In the city of
Rome during the reign of
Emperor Nero, Pseudolus is "the lyingest, cheatingest, sloppiest slave in all of Rome", whose only wish is to buy his freedom from his master's parents, the henpecked Senex and his overbearing wife, Domina. Pseudolus finds out that his master, Senex's naive son Hero, has fallen in love with Philia (destined to be a
courtesan) from the house next door of Marcus Lycus, a slave trader. Pseudolus makes a deal: he will get the girl for Hero in return for his freedom. First, Pseudolus attempts the direct approach: posing as a newly freed Roman citizen to purchase Philia for the underage Hero, who cannot legally purchase her. While being presented with the available merchandise by the slave trader Marcus Lycus, Pseudolus fancies Gymnasia, a silent
Amazonian courtesan. However, Philia, the
virgin, has been sold to the great Roman soldier
Miles Gloriosus, who even now is on his way from conquering
Crete to claim her as his bride. Pseudolus comes up with a plan to fool the slave trader into giving Philia to Hero and to possibly get Gymnasia for himself. Pseudolus convinces Marcus Lycus that Philia, who comes from Crete, has been exposed to a deadly
plague in Crete and must be isolated from the other slaves (in Hero's custody) at the house of Senex, who is presently away with his wife Domina. Wary of Gloriosus' fearsome temper (he once before sold Gloriosus a “bum virgin”), Marcus Lycus plays into Pseudolus's devious hands when Marcus Lycus “tricks” Pseudolus into impersonating him and breaking the bad news to Gloriosus. Gloriosus would be heartbroken at his bride's death, but unable to blame Marcus Lycus for a plague caught in Crete. Meanwhile, Gloriosus has arrived to claim Philia and must be distracted with an
orgy until he can be presented with a facsimile of Philia. Pseudolus
blackmails his slave overseer Hysterium (whose collection of pornographic pottery would shock his prudish owner, Domina) into masquerading in
drag as the “dead” Philia. Things go wrong at every turn. Meanwhile, Hero's parents, Senex and Domina, have returned home to add to the chaos. Senex mistakes Philia as a gift for him when Philia mistakes Senex for Gloriosus and dutifully presents herself to him (she is an "honest virgin") while confessing her love for Hero. The “prudish” Domina has unrealistic designs on a fling with Gloriosus, who finds her repulsive and mistakes Domina for the madam of a house of prostitution. Domina has brought back a hefty “breeder slave”—who has already borne 18 babies—as a mate for Pseudolus, who must elude her lustful attempts to entrap him while scheming for Gymnasia and Philia. Presented with the “dead” Philia, the great Gloriosus accepts the death of his intended bride without rage, but announces his intention of cutting "her" heart out as a memorial. Alarmed, the supposedly dead "Philia" comes back to life, and a chase ensues across Rome and into the countryside, with Pseudolus helping himself to Gymnasia. Eventually, Miles Gloriosus collars Hero, the real Philia, Hysterium, Marcus Lycus, Pseudolus, and Gymnasia and brings them back to Rome to untangle the skein of deception and see that justice is done. Also arriving on the scene, after over a 20-year absence, is their neighbor Erronius, who has been seeking his son and daughter who were kidnapped as babies by pirates. Seeing that both Gloriosus and Philia are wearing identical rings with a “gaggle of geese” motif, Erronius claims them both as his long-lost children, meaning that they are brother and sister. Thus, Marcus Lycus is spared from execution for breaking the contract for Philia. Hero gets Philia, now a free woman of
patrician class; Miles Gloriosus takes Gemini twins as his
concubines, provided by Marcus Lycus in compensation for Philia; and Pseudolus gets his freedom, the Amazonian Gymnasia to be his wife, and a dowry of 10,000 minae, also compliments of Marcus Lycus. ==Cast==