Arranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent

The Indian subcontinent has historically been home to a wide variety of wedding systems. Some were unique to the region, such as Swayamvara (which was rooted in the historical Vedic religion and had a strong hold in popular culture because it was the procedure used by Rama and Sita). In a swayamvara, the girl's parents broadcast the intent of the girl to marry and invited all interested men to be present in a wedding hall on a specific date and time. Another variant was the Gandharva marriage, which involved simple mutual consent between a man and a woman based on mutual attraction and no rituals or witnesses. The marriage of Dushyanta and Shakuntala was an example of this marriage. In the Mithila region of the Indian subcontinent, there is a well arranged system of marriage known as Maithil Vivah in which bride and groom are married according to the choice of their parents. As the Vedic religion evolved into classical orthodox Hinduism (ca. 500 BC), the social ideas advanced by Manu gained prominence, and large sections of Indian society moved towards patriarchy and caste-based rules. Manu and others attacked the Gandharva and other similar systems, decrying them as holdouts "from the time of promiscuity" which, at best, were only suitable for small sections of society. It is also speculated that parental control of marriage may have emerged during this period as a mechanism to prevent the intermixing of ethnic groups and castes. Commentators on both Hindu and European Jewish communities (where early arranged marriages had also gained prevalence) have hypothesized that the system may have emerged because "the answer to the raging hormones associated with teenage sexuality was early, arranged marriage." With kinship groups being viewed a primary unit to which social loyalty was owed by individuals, marriage became an affair deeply impacting the entire family for Indian Hindus and Muslims alike and key to "the formation or maintenance of family alliances." Sometimes, these arrangements were made at the birth of the future husband and wife with promises exchanged between the two families. Where specific alliances were socially preferred, often an informal right of first refusal was presumed to exist. For instance, marriages between cousins is permissible in Islam (though not in most Hindu communities), and the girl's mother's sister (or khala) was considered to have the first right (pehla haq) to "claim" the girl as for her son (the khalazad bhai). Systems such as watta satta (exchange marriages, which occur in rural Punjab) evolved where two families unite by exchanging women in two brother-sister pairs through marriage. As with other cultures, levirate marriages (where the brother of a deceased man is obligated to marry his widow) also became customary in some regions for all religious groups, partially to ensure that clan alliances and clan ownership of land rights remained intact even if the husband died. ==Developments in the modern period==

With the expanding social reform and female emancipation that accompanied economic and literacy growth after independence, many commentators predicted the gradual demise of arranged marriages in India, and the inexorable rise of so-called "love marriages" (i.e. where the initial contact with potential spouses does not involve the parents or family members). Commonly in urban areas and increasingly in rural parts, parents now arrange for marriage-ready sons and daughters to meet with multiple potential spouses with an accepted right of refusal. These arranged marriages are effectively the result of a wide search by both the girl's family and the boy's family. Child marriages are also in steady decline and deemed unlawful in India (with legal age of marriage at 21 years for men and 18 years for women), so the term "arranged marriage" now increasingly refers to marriages between consenting adults well past the age of sexual maturity. Another significant trend in arranged marriages is related to the loosening of traditional clan-bonds in India. Where potential spouses for sons and daughters were once identified through family and social relationships, they are increasingly being solicited through advertising because many urban parents no longer have the social reach that was a given before the rise of nuclear families in India. With the advent of the internet, this has led to the rise of matchmaking websites such as shaadi.com (shaadi is the Hindustani word for wedding), which claims to be the largest matrimonial service in the world. Self-arranged marriages It is increasingly common in India for a couple that has met by themselves and are involved romantically to go through the process of an arranged marriage with that specific partner in mind. Since arranged marriages result in a deep meshing and unification of extended families and are believed to contribute to marital stability, many couples orchestrate their marriages with each other through the processes of an arranged marriage. These marriages are often referred to as "self-arranged marriages" or "love-arranged marriages" in India. The emerging trend of "self-arranged marriages" in South Asia represents a fusion of both arranged and love marriage dynamics, reflecting the enduring societal pressures to formalize family unions through matrimonial processes. In this contemporary approach, couples may independently initiate their connection but opt for an arranged marriage framework to meet societal expectations and uphold family honor. Research conducted by Parul Bhandari on the role of families in modern South Asian marriages reveals that while parents may not necessarily control their children's romantic relationships, they wield a significant influence over the outcomes of these relationships. Bhandari's findings suggest that self-arranged marriages in present-day South Asia involve substantial parental involvement, notably through traditions such as the ritual of "meeting the parents." During this ceremonial practice, individuals seeking to marry seek the approval of their intended spouse from their parents. While not exclusive to South Asian cultures, within the context of South Asian matchmaking, parental opinions carry considerable weight in the decision-making process for the marrying individuals. ==The arranged marriage process==

Arranged marriages vary widely by region and community across the Indian subcontinent. The marriage process usually begins with a realization in the family that a child is old enough to marry. For a girl, it is during her graduation or early twenties; for a boy, it is after he is 'settled', with a decent job and consistent earnings. The initiation can occur when a parent or a relative (such as an aunt or an elder sister or sister-in-law) initiates a conversation on the topic or the son/daughter approaches the parent/relative and expresses the desire to be married. This relative effectively acts as a sponsor, taking responsibility to get the boy/girl married to a good partner. Finding a matchmaker If the son/daughter has an identified love interest, the sponsor often takes it upon themselves to try to orchestrate a match with that individual. If no such person exists, the sponsor begins the process of identifying suitable candidates. This is usually done via an intermediary matchmaker who has a social reputation for maintaining discretion and brokering successful weddings. The sponsor approaches the matchmaker with a photograph and the child's horoscope. The matchmaker is often an elderly socialite who is liked and widely connected to many families. In some regions, specific professions are associated with matchmaking. For instance, in many parts of North India and Pakistan, the local barber (or nai) was a frequent go-between. • Age: Most often, a man older than the woman is sought, ideally with no more than a 5-year difference in age. • Physical appearances of the individual is taken into account in some cases, more so for women. Also, the height of the man is sought to be more than that of the woman. Many Indian families are obsessed with fairness of the woman. Matrimonial advertisement often advertise skin pigmentation of the woman such as Fair, Wheatish etc. Fair tones are considered to be advantageous. Matrimonial websites frequently use some of these factors to enable prospective matches. Exchange of photographs/information with prospective matches The matchmaker identifies a set of potential matches and, based on mutual agreement between families, it is customary for an exchange of photographs and some documentation of the factors being considered (for instance, astrological charts or a resume/biodata) to follow. These items are usually returnable if the match does not proceed: In those scenarios, families customarily cooperate to eliminate any trace of a matchmaking conversation between them. The son/daughter reviews the information and photographs, with input from the family and friends, and shortlists a few for in-person meetings. Meeting prospective spouses If the prospective partners express a desire to meet or if the families are enthusiastic about a potential match, it is customary for the prospective groom's family to visit the prospective bride's family. It is traditional for the man's family to arrive (with the man) and be seated with the entire woman's family except the woman, who then makes a dramatic entrance dressed in fine clothes, often bringing tea and refreshments. This practice is sometimes called "seeing the girl" and has been attacked by some Indian and Pakistani feminists as a classic instance of gender-bias and the objectification of women. Engagement Once there is mutual agreement between the prospective bride and groom that they would like to marry, and no red flags have emerged about either party in the inquiries conducted formally or informally, the other prospective spouses are declined and their photographs and other documents returned. Families usually attempt to maintain a high level of cordiality in these interactions, often invoking the idea of sanjog (predestined relationship, roughly equivalent to the idea that "marriages are made in heaven") to defuse any sense of rancor or rejection. An engagement ceremony or a pre-engagement ceremony (such as roka) follows. In urban areas, the future spouses are often expected to go out on dates and develop a romantic relationship in the period between their engagement and their wedding. In more conservative rural areas, a period of greater freedom in interaction, or even romantic courtship, between the man and woman follows. Though dating may not be socially permissible, nonetheless the couple may talk over the phone. ==Low incidence of divorce in India==

In India, marriage is thought to be for life, and the divorce rate is extremely low. In 2021, India recorded the lowest divorce rate in the world at just 0.1 divorces per 1000 people. In contrast, the divorce rate in the United States was significantly higher, at 2.5 per 1000. The Indian figure, however, appears to be rising. Opinion is mixed on the implications of this change: "for traditionalists the rising numbers portend the breakdown of society while, for some modernists, they speak of a healthy new empowerment for women." ==See also==