Ed Malloy, a tough bouncer from
Portland, Oregon, is dragged into a twisted web of lies, magic, and kung fu. Samantha Crain is a glamorous
supermodel who has everything—except for true love. Her sister Cammy is an "
Indiana Jones" styled botanist in search of a very rare lotus flower. Meanwhile, a group of Chinese
Shaolin monks with high-flying martial arts powers are in search of the
lotus as well, because they believe that whoever eats its petals will gain infinite powers. (They also indignantly protest, "We are NOT
ninjas!" when anyone mischaracterizes them.) Samantha receives a package from her sister, who is trying to escape back to
America, with the Shaolin monks hot on her tail. The package is the rare lotus flower. It's arranged for the Crain sisters to meet in Portland. But the monks intervene, and the Crain sisters flee separately. While racing through the streets of Portland, Samantha seeks refuge in a bar that employs Ed Malloy (
Andrew "Dice" Clay), who is notoriously nicknamed "The Brainsmasher." Malloy sees the monks and decides to help Samantha. While on the chase from the monks (and occasionally, Malloy's mother), the two fall in love. Desperate, the monks capture Malloy and hold him for ransom: His life for the lotus. The Crain sisters agree, but then double-cross the monks, and Malloy saves the day by living up to his 'Brainsmasher' moniker. ==Cast==