Receiving hundreds of packages in the mail containing unsold copies of his failed novel
Faster Than the Speed of Love,
Brian gives up his ambitions of becoming a writer. While reading
The New York Times, Brian discovers that a
self-help book is the highest-selling book on its
bestseller list, and after some persuasion by
Stewie, decides to write his own in order to prove that self-help books are useless. Finishing it in three hours and titling it
Wish It, Want It, Do It, Brian publishes the book, and it immediately becomes a commercial success. Brian decides to hire Stewie (because of his connections that helped publish the book) as his
publicist when the book becomes popular, and organizes a
publicity tour. Though Brian is initially skeptical of Stewie's arrogant demeanour, Brian soon follows suit and becomes an
egomaniac. While reflecting on his fame during dinner, Brian notices
Renée Zellweger at the front of the restaurant; after angrily berating Stewie for not booking their table there, he punishes him by refusing to give him a lift to their hotel. Seeking to reconcile his relationship with Brian, Stewie books him an appearance on
Real Time with Bill Maher to discuss
separation of church and state with
Maher and
Christopher Hitchens. Two hours prior to his appearance, after continuing to verbally abuse Stewie for minor inconveniences, Brian is then informed that Hitchens cannot attend, and that
Arianna Huffington and
Dana Gould will serve as replacement panelists. Blaming Stewie again, Brian angrily fires him and continues on to the show's panel. While on the show, Maher, Huffington and Gould begin to criticize Brian's book, stating that it fails to meet the expectations of the public and is pretentious, repetitive, unhelpful, banal and manipulative. Brian attempts to defend it by talking down to the panelists, including pettily insulting Huffington's accent while also referring to her as
Zsa Zsa Gabor and Gould's feminine-sounding first name, but finds himself under pressure from them. In anger and desperation, he insults the panelists for having little sense in literature, but is constantly put down. He ultimately confesses that he too considers the book to be of a low standard, admitting that he wrote it in a day in the hope that it would sell. Maher loses all respect for Brian, stating that a real writer would stand by their work despite what others think. When trying to regain Maher's trust, Brian panics and urinates, prompting Maher to angrily chase him off the set with a newspaper. Humiliated, Brian returns to Quahog and
half-heartedly apologizes to Stewie, during which he unsubtly and passive-aggressively continues to blame him for everything that went wrong. Realizing that this is going to be as good an "apology" as Brian can give, Stewie bluntly tells him "You can't write". ==Production and development==