Pub landlord and frequent holidaymaker Vic Flange flirts with the young widow Sadie Tompkins as his wife, Cora, looks on with disdain. Their friend Harry, who is prone to
violent twitches, arrives and reveals that the
package holiday Vic has booked to the Mediterranean island Elsbels, which is on the Costa Bomm, also includes Sadie, much to Cora's outrage. Cora, who avoids holidays because she hates flying, nevertheless decides to accompany Vic on the trip to ensure he keeps away from Sadie. The next day, Stuart Farquhar, the representative of Wundatours Travel Agency, and his assistant, Moira Plunkett, welcome the passengers. Among them are the sex-starved Stanley Blunt and his prudish, domineering wife Evelyn; drunken mummy's boy Eustace Tuttle; handsome Nicholas and his possessive gay friend Robin; Scotsman Bert Conway; beautiful friends Lily and Marge, who are each hoping to find a man to fall in love with; and a group of 12 monks, including Brother Bernard, who is having difficulty fitting into his new life. Upon their arrival, they discover their hotel is only half-finished; the builders have quit, leaving the remaining five floors uncompleted. Distraught manager Pepe tries to run the place in different guises – the manager, the doorman and the porter – and the chef is his wife Floella, who battles repeatedly with the stove while their son Georgio idles behind the bar. The hotel also hides various faults, and Pepe is overrun with complaints: Evelyn finds Mr Tuttle in her bath; Vic discovers Sadie naked in his shower; Lily and Marge's wardrobe has no back to it, allowing them to be accidentally seen by Brother Bernard in the opposite room; sand pours out of Moira's taps; Robin and Nicholas's drawers have no bottom; and the lavatory drenches Bert. The sudden influx of angry complaints causes the phone system at the front desk to combust. That night, the guests get more acquainted with each other before dinner, which consists of an unimaginative
Brown Windsor soup starter. Before the main meal can be served, Pepe and Floella argue over the stove, causing him to throw wine, which he mistakes for
methylated spirits, into it. The stove, in turn, kicks out enormous quantities of smoke, which spills out into the restaurant and forces the holiday-makers to open the windows, prompting the arrival of mosquitos. Although agreeing to play
leapfrog with Tuttle, Lily and Marge have their eyes on other things. Marge takes a shine to Brother Bernard, and they develop a romance, which is constantly hampered by Bernard's faith and generally clumsy behaviour, while Lily lures Nicholas away from a jealous Robin. Meanwhile, Stanley attempts to seduce Cora whilst his wife is not present. However, Cora is more interested in keeping Vic away from Sadie, who grows fond of Bert. Vic tries to put Bert off Sadie by saying that she is a black widow who murdered her two previous husbands, when actually both were
firemen who died on the job. The next day, the holidaymakers are awakened early in the morning by the builders, who returned to work. While most of the party go off on an excursion to the nearby village, Stanley ensures Evelyn is left behind so that he can spend the day attempting to woo Cora. Vic samples a local drink, "Santa Cecilia’s
Elixir", which blesses the drinker with X-ray vision, and he manages to see through women's clothing. However, the tourists are arrested for causing a riot at Madame Fifi's
brothel after Vic, Bert and Eustace annoy the girls there. Unaware of the tourists' arrest, Evelyn is seduced by Georgio, which leads to her abandoning her frigid behaviour. In prison, Miss Plunkett seduces the Chief of Police, and the tourists are released out of gratitude. At the hotel, Evelyn, having had an affair with Georgio, awakens her sex life with a surprised Stanley. On their last night in the hotel all the guests are at ease with each other, thanks to the punch being spiked with Santa Cecelia's
Elixir. Midway through the night, however, it begins to rain, and the hotel is revealed to have been constructed on a dry river bed. As the hotel collapses, Pepe loses his patience (and his sanity) with the guests who, still intoxicated, party on, oblivious to the fact the hotel is disintegrating around them. The holiday ends with Pepe yelling for the guests to abandon the hotel as it completely caves in around them. Some time later, an Elsbels reunion at Vic and Cora's pub is held. Farquhar has lost his job at Wundatours and now works at the pub. All the guests are happy, and reminisce about the holiday they barely enjoyed. ==Cast==