Nesbitt family ; Robert "Rab" C. Nesbitt:
Gregor Fisher (1988–2014). An alcoholic without denial, sarcastic, deadbeat, self-styled "street philosopher" and "sensitive big bastard", although "sensitive by
Govan standards". Described by his wife Mary as not "
an unemployed person" but "
the original unemployed person", Rab is very rarely seen in anything other than a shabby
pinstripe suit,
plimsolls, a filthy headband and a string vest. He has two sons, Gash and Burney. Rab has four brothers, all dead; Rab only survived because he was the only one out of the five who was able to understand the benefits form. He claims to have been talented as a teenager, but never went anywhere with it due to Govan-dwellers being scared of talent when they saw it and tried "tae batter it tae death wi' empty
wine bottles". At some point before the episode "Clean" he managed to clean up his act, giving up alcohol, helping around the house, finding religion, and presiding over a
temperance group; so far he has only relapsed on-screen twice. He is also shown to break the
fourth wall. ; Mary "Mary Doll" Nesbitt (née Regan):
Elaine C. Smith (1988–2014). Rab's long-suffering wife, more functional and aspirational than her husband. Claims that on the day she was born it was a toss-up whether she or the dog's litter would end up at the bottom of the
river Clyde in a sack (Burney: "She won. There's nae bloody justice, eh?"). Currently runs a successful house-cleaning business with Ella Cotter called the "House Mice". Mary has repeatedly split up with Rab over the course of the show and has often flirted with other townsfolk to try to get back at him. However, somehow, she and Rab always seem to get back together, usually for the sake of the "weans" ("little ones"). Mary has had a lot of odd-jobs over the years, often taken as a quickie to pay off a final demand bill or outstanding arrears. Mary has stuck by Rab through many tough situations over the years. ; Gash Nesbitt:
Andrew Fairlie until 2008,
Iain Robertson 2010–2011 (1988–2011). The Nesbitts' elder son. Described by his father as "so
anal-retentive he's still shitein'
rusks." Has dabbled with
Christianity,
hard drugs,
Hare Krishna,
Scottish nationalism, and
ram-raiding BT shops in his efforts to find himself. He has an on-off girlfriend, Bridie, and by the time of the show's return, now has a teenage daughter, Peaches, whom the Nesbitts dote upon. Rab has often taken more interest in Gash than his other son, Burney, and seems to favour Gash as he doesn't give as much lip. Fairlie left the role following the 2008 special, and Robertson was re-cast in the role and appeared from 2010. ; Burney Nesbitt:
Eric Cullen (1988–1993). The Nesbitts' younger son, who briefly dabbled with
neo-Nazism. Was also discovered to be
gifted at
painting, although gave up this avenue when he realised it wasn't getting him any
sex. Burney often gave his father more grief than his brother, and often became more of a nuisance in his father's eyes. Actor Eric Cullen left the programme following series three due to personal issues, and was replaced by David McKay's Screech. Cullen died in 1996, shortly after he was asked to return to the role of Burney for the 1997 series. In the 2008 Christmas special, it is revealed that Burney died in a "ramming" accident and was buried nearby. ; Screech Nesbitt:
David McKay (1994–1997). Rab's
nephew, who replaces Eric Cullen's Burney from 1994. Screech comes to live with the Nesbitts after Burney goes to live in at a boarding school. Screech is much more outspoken that his predecessor, and has much more of a rebellious side. He seems to get along with Gash better than Burney did. Actor David McKay earlier portrayed Young Young McGurn's son Bimbo in "That's Entertainment", and was cast in the role of Screech following his initial appearance in 1992. McKay left the role in 1997.
Cotter family ; James Aaron "Jamesie" Cotter:
Tony Roper (1988–2014). Rab's longtime friend, as well as chronic serial
philanderer and self-described 'scumbag'. Jamesie is always seen with his trademark shabby sports jacket and bottle of
Irn-Bru. On one occasion, he was described by his wife as "a slippery-lookin' article, about 93-year-old, wearing crusty jeans, with the eyes of an unemployed rapist". On several occasions he has played the part of the devil on Rab's shoulder, urging him to take up drinking again in "Clean". His attitude towards women (he is very keen on having sexual relations with any number of women but refuses to trust them) is implied to have stemmed from a traumatic relationship with his cancer-ridden mother; he spent much of his childhood tending to her, receiving little but abuse in return. It was known that he was once a football player until sustaining a shoulder injury which had forced him to quit. ; Ella Cotter (née Wilson):
Barbara Rafferty (1988–2014). Jamesie's fiery wife, with her red beehive haircut and leopard skin coat. Seems to loathe her husband and frequently considers murdering him. In the meantime, she enjoys torturing him on occasion, notably breaking his shoulder with a crowbar and scratching his sunburnt chest. She has stabbed him at least once. She is every bit as promiscuous as Jamesie. She is part of a house-cleaning business with Mary, called The House Mice. Ella and Jamesie have never had children, due to the fact that Ella had gynaecological problems, a fact which Jamesie cruelly rubs in her face when he gets another woman pregnant.
Pub regulars ; Andra Binnie:
Brian Pettifer (1988–2014). One of Rab's best friends, described more than once as looking "like a
Ninja Turtle". Married to a woman called Bobbie whom he finds so repulsive that he
dry heaves when thinking about sleeping with her. Andra has a comb-over haircut and is often mocked for being less adventurous than his counterparts. Andra was a regular in the Two Ways Inn before its closure, and quickly transferred his custom to the Giblet. Pettifer reprised the role for the 2014 special, the only pub regular to appear in the episode. ; George "Dodie":
Alex Norton in 1988,
Iain McColl from 1990–2011 (1988–2011). Another of Rab's best friends. Dodie is implied to be fond of unconventional methods of intoxication, e.g. sniffing shoe polish, and had an interest in crossdressing also. He too, like Andra, has an insufferable wife whom he loathes and he retches when he thinks about sleeping with her. Dodie did not appear in the 2008 special or Series 9. He also did not appear in the 2014 special, as McColl had died in 2013 following complications from a cancer diagnosis. McColl was not replaced in the role. ; Dougie Timmins: Charlie Sim (1988–1992). The barman of the Two Ways Inn. He was the original owner of the pub before handing the pub over to Norrie following his retirement. Dougie was much more bitter and sour than his successor, and was less tolerant of the acts of the pub regulars than his successor. Sims left the role in 1992 and was replaced by Kazek in the role of Norrie. ; Norrie Bonnar: John Kazek (1992–1999). The barman of the Two Ways Inn. Norrie takes over the running of the pub after Dougie gives up the job. Norrie is much more tolerant but often steps in when violence is about to break out. Norrie has more of a sensitive side and is willing to show some sympathy when required. He tries to update the pub with foreign grub and games machines. Before he worked in the pub, he was a psychiatric nurse. ; Camille:
Cora Bissett (2010–2011). The barmaid of The Giblet since its opening in 2010. During the episode "Passion", she was the object of both Gash and Jamesie's affections. Bisset did not appear in the 2014 special.
Recurring cast ; Hugh "Shug":
Sean Scanlan (1990–1999). Mary's maternal cousin, Hugh feigns Englishness or at least pretends to be a middle-class Scot due to Scottish
cultural cringe and to the distaste displayed at anything working-class and/or Scottish by his wife Phoebe. Hugh is Mary's cousin, and moved to
Sidcup at some point in the 1980s. ; Phoebe: Sara Corper until 1993, Sarah Crowden until 1996, Juliet Cadzow in 1999 (1990–1999). An extremely middle-class English woman, married to Hugh. Phoebe is ashamed of his Scottish roots and often displays her disgust when his heritage begins to show. ; Bridie Grogan:
Nicola Park (1998–2011). Gash's on-off girlfriend, with whom he has a daughter, Peaches. Bridie first appeared in Series 8, and returned to the role for the ninth and tenth series. Park did not appear in the 2014 special. ; Peaches Nesbitt: Rachael Crossan (2010–2011), Anna Devitt (2014). Gash and Bridie's daughter, upon whom all the Nesbitts dote. Peaches is a teenager by the time of the 2014 special. Crossan originally portrayed Peaches for series nine and ten. However, she did not return for the 2014 special and Devitt was cast in the role instead, making her first appearance. == Episodes ==