Major characters •
Gus Hedges (
Robert Duncan) – Series One to Six— The unctuous Chief Executive of the company, yes-man to Sir Roysten Merchant and an unwavering supporter of then
Conservative Prime Minister
John Major is a management stereotype, complete with clichés. All her views are conservative and it is much to her chagrin that she is a pin-up for so many gay men. She always has a problem with at least one member of the staff, and complains incessantly, usually prefacing her gripes with "I’m not one to complain...". She is generally disliked and mocked by her colleagues, mainly due to her obsession with fashion and her own image to the exclusion of any real awareness of current affairs. Helen occasionally tries to sympathise with her, and there are infrequent incidents that reveal Sally's vulnerability. She was raised by her grandmother, who clearly abused her as a child – incidents are recounted in which Sally is locked in a rat-infested cellar; or abandoned in a forest, ostensibly to cure her fear of trees. Sally lives alone with her
Filipina maid, whom she views (and treats) as little more than a slave. Sally is infamous throughout the GlobeLink offices and elsewhere for her supposedly secret liaisons with dockers, soldiers, sailors, sportsmen and, in particular, lorry drivers. During one encounter with a sound engineer, her colleagues were delighted to discover she had left her radio microphone on, and tapes of her experience were quickly circulated around the office. The episode where Sally miscarries her baby and agrees to conduct a magazine interview suggests that Sally's sexual preferences are something of a defence mechanism to ensure that she is devoid of emotional feeling because she fears being overwhelmed by them. Sally – who is 42 at the end of the final series in 1998 and no longer wanted by many television companies echoing many of the complaints by middle-aged female news readers such as
Selena Scott,
Jan Leeming and
Anna Ford — she makes a bid to become a trophy wife of various senior-aged businessmen who are on the World's Richest list. Despite appearing in the starting title for the first episode of series one, she does not actually appear until the second episode. •
Damien Day (
Stephen Tompkinson) – Series One to Six— GlobeLink's star field reporter, whose goal is always to make his stories as sensational as possible, even where doing so requires the use of exaggeration or misrepresentation. Damien's unorthodox (and unethical) methods are undeniably a hit with the viewers, and therefore he is popular with Sir Roysten and Gus, making it impossible for George to fire him, despite his frequent desire to do so. Damien is quite happy to stage incidents for the camera, arguing when challenged that he is making "reconstructions" of what would have happened. When filming a firing-squad execution in a South American dictatorship, Damien asked the officer for a retake so he could make the execution look better. When filming in a war-torn country he punched a small boy in the face to make sure he had a crying child in shot, and threw a hand-grenade over a wall to create panic before delivering his piece to camera. Perhaps surprisingly, he is generally open-minded about other cultures, expressing interest in
Tarot cards and the predictions of
Nostradamus. He likes to keep himself fit, does not drink or smoke, drives a
Porsche and is considered to be
sociopathic. A psychologist who visits the office to carry out a study of
workplace stress describes Damien's personality as "completely stress-free. Psychotic, but stress-free". Some indication as to why Damien became the driven, amoral individual he is, was provided when his mother, Professor Avril Day (
Rosemary Martin), made a one-off appearance: she was a nuclear physicist who had unrealistically high expectations of her son, rarely if ever praised him and constantly pressured him to achieve. Damien gets his kicks from danger and excitement, and has virtually no interest in actual sex, except in one episode at the end of Series 4, in which he loses his virginity to a similarly danger-obsessed GlobeLink weather girl. Despite his high opinion of himself, Damien's frequent breaches of ethical standards do not go unnoticed by other stations and he fails job interviews in the final series. After hearing the news of Globelink's imminent closure, Damien has a stress-related illness and becomes obsessed by the quest of travelling to South America to film an obscure tribe in order to "prove" he is a great reporter. •
Dave Charnley (
Neil Pearson) – Series One to Six – The deputy sub-editor and general dogsbody. As a compulsive womaniser and gambler, he gets on very well with Henry, owing to these shared interests, and Damien, owing to his willingness to bet on outrageously tasteless things. Dave also appears to have a very strong relationship with George and steadfastly supports him in editorial meetings and when the other characters get frustrated with him. Dave is often the one to ask George how he is despite the inevitable negative response and often goes for drinks with George. Dave and Henry have the only friendship that appears to significantly extend beyond the office, although it can occasionally turn volatile – usually over gambling matters or women. Dave runs a large number of office books and sweepstakes, although outside the office his gambling has landed him in debt to the tune of several tens of thousands of pounds. Dave has occasionally been very successful in his gambling but usually through his own actions manages to squander his good fortune. He is also addicted to one-night stands with married women, and sees any married female colleague or acquaintance as a challenge. These involvements rarely last long enough to qualify as affairs, since Dave seems to relish the chase. As a colleague put it, "[Dave doesn't] want to get involved with anyone who could conceivably want to get involved back." Although Dave clearly has the potential to be a highly competent professional, his career progress is continually hampered by these many weaknesses and addictions, and his generally irresponsible and childish behaviour. On rare occasions, however, Dave does develop real feelings for others. After seducing a drunken Helen – initially just for the challenge of winning over a lesbian – he finds that he has a genuine attraction to her, and it takes him some time to recover when she tells him that their brief fling has simply helped her to reassure her of her homosexuality. He also gets engaged – despite serious doubts – in series 5; however he is shocked when his fiancée breaks up with him, claiming she had had no idea he would get so serious. In the final series, Dave becomes even more financially desperate, and has a highly questionable new job delivering packages for an underworld figure, causing a fall-out between himself and best friend Henry. •
Joy Merryweather (
Susannah Doyle) – Series Two to Six – Joy Merryweather is entirely wrongly named; she is in no way joyful or merry. She began in series 2 as a cynical and surly personal assistant; in later series, she becomes increasingly aggressive and vindictive. There are a few occasions throughout the series when she shows sensitivity, however. Her beauty and ease in getting on with everybody when she is not being vindictive towards them makes her a key member of the team, with a weird sort of popularity, tinged with apprehension, and participates in all their schemes, sweepstakes, etc. George often remarks that she is the most-efficient production assistant GlobeLink has ever had. Joy began as a background character, intended to feed topical gags; however her popularity with audiences was such that she took an increasingly prominent role and eventually had a number of storylines of her own. Perhaps the most significant of these in terms of character development was the Series 5 episode
The Graveyard Shift, in which it is revealed that her father, (already established as an alcoholic, and, according to Joy, "
wanted to be Peter Stringfellow") abandoned the family; her mother "
went from Valium addiction to nervous breakdown to attempted suicide," and all of her brothers and sisters were affected by psychological problems, (except, at least in her own mind, Joy herself); her brothers are named "
Jolly" (who is in "
Wormwood Scrubs") and "
Happy", (who was "
released into the care of the doorway"), and her sister's name is "
Merrily" (who is "
in a detox centre"). In the last series, some of her violent and disturbing office doodles are discovered by a modern art dealer which makes for unexpected sudden success, but leaves her feeling ambivalent about the real "value" of her work. Joy's childhood nickname was "
Flopsy", which she put an end to by force-feeding worms to the boys in question, an action she repeats when Dave and Damien decide to continue the practice.
Recurring characters •
Sir Roysten Merchant — Sir Roysten Merchant is a wealthy businessman, unofficially based on a combination of
Robert Maxwell and
Rupert Murdoch – the initials RM are no coincidence – who buys out GlobeLink News in the first episode and remains the owner of the company throughout all six series. He is unseen on screen until a brief appearance in the final show, in which he is played by
Roger Hammond and suggests that he does not know who Gus is. Sir Roysten is a terrifying figure, with a large business empire. He is also involved in housing, shipping, and sundry more shady enterprises which, based on the information that occasionally comes to the attention of the GlobeLink News team, border on (if not specifically involve) the illegal. On buying the company Sir Roysten installs Gus Hedges (see above) to prevent any potentially damaging information being leaked out in news stories. Sir Roysten is a right-wing figure, supporting both
Margaret Thatcher and
John Major. However, when Major and the Conservative government begin to weaken from 1994, his support starts to shift, and with the Labour victory in 1997 Sir Roysten defects to
Tony Blair. In private, it is known that Sir Roysten visits prostitutes and that his wife, Lady Caroline, also has many affairs. He has a daughter, Octavia, who works for a brief time in the GlobeLink office, and a son, Roy Merchant Junior, who lives in fear of his father. Other offspring are not named, aside from one reference from Gus to a "Roystonia" — however no further information is provided. Persistent rumours circulate to the effect that Sir Royston's father, who was also a businessman, was a Nazi sympathiser and war profiteer. Sir Roysten has several pet
rottweilers and an armed personal security team who guard his mansion. •
Gerry (voiced by
Andy Hamilton) – One of GlobeLink's outside broadcast cameramen, Gerry is regularly assigned to work with Damien and frequently suffers injuries and mishaps as a result. His footage would normally end with something unpleasant happening to Gerry, while Damien yells at him to keep filming. Gerry is an
unseen character, but incidents are frequently shown from the point of view of his camera as it disappears down holes, off cliffs or into rivers. His only on-screen appearance (of sorts) is at the office Christmas party, but on this occasion, he is covered head to toe in bandages. Gerry seems to have a decent sense of both morals and safety standards but is usually overruled by a determined Damien. •
Deborah Dent (Louisa Milwood-Haigh) — George's daughter, and one of the main problems at home. A juvenile delinquent, Deborah frequently runs away from home, steals cars and other vehicles (including a fully laden car transporter and an
InterCity 125), sells drugs (George's prescription medication), sets fire to supply teachers, and attacks her school classmates with a pickaxe handle. She once attempted to sue her school for failing to provide her with an education – having previously burned the school buildings down, and on one occasion is mentioned as having found her way to a Middle East guerrilla training camp. She expresses love (as well as pity) for her father, and they bond in one episode over getting revenge on Damien by taking a hammer to his Porsche. •
Chloe Cooper (Jocelyn Barker) — Helen's self-obsessed and
attention-seeking daughter in several episodes. Helen, who worries constantly over the time she spends at work and away from her daughter, agonises over Chloe's upbringing and doubts her own abilities as a mother. She is particularly alarmed when she discovers that Chloe has written a school essay entitled
"The Invisible Mummy". Chloe eventually admits, however, that she is entirely happy with arrangements at home and wrote the essay merely in an attempt to gain sympathy from a new teacher. •
Alfred and Bernice Cooper (
Geoffrey Hutchings &
Paula Jacobs) — Helen's supposedly conservative parents, from whom she spends years concealing her lesbianism – even going to the extent of persuading Dave to impersonate her boyfriend while they visited for an evening. In Series 6, Helen has to deal with the death of one of her parents. •
Amanda (Saira Todd) — Helen's much-mentioned girlfriend in the later series. Her only on-screen appearance is in Series 5, where she arrives at the office while working as a despatch rider – a job she took to help pay for her university course, but which causes Helen some social embarrassment. The pair break up after a dinner at their house with Helen's friends from the office (Series 5, episode 5) ends in disaster, but they are later back together. In the last series, Helen's daughter mentions a time she had to make excuses for her appearing while Helen's parents were visiting, by claiming she was a Jehovah's Witness. •
Roy Merchant Jnr (
David Troughton) — Sir Roysten's badly stammering, bullied, and reluctantly bullying son, sent by his father to the GlobeLink office to oversee the company's final hours. Roy, whose stammer is always at its worst when referring to Sir Roysten, reveals that he has been pitted against his siblings in a challenge: only the most ruthless will inherit the Merchant empire. Roy announces early in series 6 that GlobeLink News will close, after initially proposing to significantly cut the workforce.. •
Octavia Merchant (
Hermione Norris) – appeared in the Series 2 episode "The Gulf Report" as a trainee reporter who becomes a love interest of Dave's. As usual with Dave it fizzles out quickly. •
Lynn Yeats (Elizabeth Downes) — A reporter for a rival news company and Damien's nemesis. Lynn invariably arrives at disaster sites and warzones before Damien; she gets bigger and better stories; wins awards and generally manages to achieve everything Damien fails to achieve. Although Damien usually attributes her success to her greater resources and financial support, Lynn is simply more ruthless and unethical even than Damien himself. Damien also makes references to his bitterness towards real-life reporters such as
Kate Adie. •
Anna (Nina Marc) — A short-term love interest of George's, Anna is a Polish migrant seeking marriage to obtain a British passport and stay in the country. George, however, is convinced that she is the love of his life, though the rest of the staff tries to persuade him of her true intentions. In an attempt to save George, Dave makes a move on Anna with disastrous results. Rawle and Marc are married in real life. •
Sir Gordon Miller (
Melvyn Hayes) — When GlobeLink News is axed in Series 6, Sally starts to plunder the
Sunday Times Rich List as her final career move. Eventually, she teams up with the miserly and dispassionate Sir Gordon, the 34th richest man in the world. The physically diminutive Sir Gordon is probably the most fleshed-out of the several recurring characters in the short Series 6. He is the epitome of a controlling husband, with a pre-nuptial agreement designed to iron out absolutely every future disagreement or opinion. •
Sue (
Victoria Carling) — Sue is Henry's niece, with whom George develops a promising relationship in the final episodes of Series 6. She is kind, compassionate, calm and gentle: the polar opposite of George's highly emotional and manipulative ex-wife Margaret. Like George, Sue is an escapee from an unhappy marriage. Although George — due to his natural pessimism and lack of confidence — has to be prompted and encouraged every step of the way, their relationship blossoms, and they plan a new life together in Australia. •
Wes Jasper (
Neil Stuke) — Wes Jasper is a thinly disguised parody of
Chris Evans, hosting what is clearly a very thinly disguised parody of
TFI Friday, with an identical set, and the same "ridicule-the-punter" features. In an attempt to forge a post-GlobeLink career for himself in Series 6, Henry makes several appearances on this show as a sidekick for Wes. Dave Charnley is appalled and disappointed by his distinguished friend's fall in standards. •
Jenny (
Sara Stewart) — Joy's more easy-going predecessor as PA who appears several times in the first series. Her main contribution is to join Dave, Henry and Henry's great-nephew Jack on a night out and then apparently sleep with Jack – to the bemusement of Dave and Henry who have both failed to get anywhere with her, and Sally, who clearly fancied Jack. In a classic single-entendre, Sally snaps at Jenny, who asks "What's got into
her?", to which Dave replies, "I think it's what's got into
you that's got into her." == Scripting ==