After an
establishing shot of
London, the scene shifts to a fireplace inside a bedroom, where a man (
Rod Works) is romantically
licking the bottom tip of a Jane Bond's black
pump. Soon, the telephone rings and on the
other line is Bond's
superior (
David Herman), who
tells Bond that the
secret service is in grave danger due to an
accounting firm's plans for
world domination. Bond is therefore, asked to
infiltrate the firm's offices while
posing as a
secretary. Before Bond's superior hangs up, he tells her that
Q has
supplied her with a gift certificate that's good for
£50 at
Office Depot. Following a
gun barrel sequence, the scene cuts to the accounting firm's offices, where a now undercover Bond is greeted at her
desk by Doctor Boss and her
office manager Part-Time Job. Upon her own
introduction, Bond
dramatically removes the
pin that was holding up her
hair in a
bun and shakes it out. Doctor Boss then tells Bond to
dial #9 in order to get an outside line on her telephone, but also stresses to not make any
long-distance calls. Boss finishes by telling Bond to not take anything accidental, or else she'll have to deal with Part-Time Job and the
staple remover inside his metal teeth. After Boss and Part-Time Job leave, Bond reaches over to the
electric pencil sharpener on her desk to sharpen her right
index fingernail. The scene then immediately shifts to the perception of a
fish tank, where Bond is involved with a
violent struggle at her desk with a large man in a
scuba set. Bond manages to subdue the man by using a pencil to remove his
breathing tube. Meanwhile, in Doctor Boss' office, she informs Part-Time Bond that she suspects that Bond is after their files that contains their plans to take over the world. Shortly thereafter, Bond is right in the middle of a massive
shootout at her desk, where she's only armed with a
rubber band and
paper clips. Bond is soon captured by Doctor Boss and Part-Time Job, who has her
tied to a
watercolor that's filled with
nitroglycerin. Before Boss leaves, she attempts to crack a few jokes regarding Bond's
impending doom with Part-Time Job playing a
rimshot while sitting at a
drum kit. Unbeknownst to Part-Time Job, Bond is carefully cutting the back of the ropes with her sharpened right index fingernail. Bond soon begins to distract Part-Time Job by
seductively pleading with him to
make her happy one more time. But just as Part-Time Job walks back to Bond
under the assumption that she wants him to
romantically satisfy her, Bond manages to break free from the ropes, grabs a bottle of
Whack Out, and tosses it in front of Part-Time Job, subduing him. Soon, Doctor Boss returns and to her shock, finds Part-Time Job immobilized on the floor. Enraged, Boss pulls a gun out on Bond, only for Bond to casually grab a black
stapler and stapling Boss to door. Afterwards, Bond breaks the
fourth wall by saying that she likes her villains "
stapled, not stirred". In the closing credits for "
For Your Files Only" (and a
theme song reminiscent of "
Goldfinger" by
Shirley Bassey), Jane Bond is said to return in: "
Octotempy", "
The Man with the Golden Parachute", "
On Her Majesty's Temporary Service", "
You Only Temp Twice", "
Temps Aren't Forever", "
Moontemper", "
Dr. No-Raise", "
Thunder Ball-point", "
The Spy Who Hired Me", "
From Russia with Overtime", "
The Living Day Jobs", "
License to Type", and "
Tempfinger". ==See also==