At a town meeting at
Moe's Tavern, people say that
Moe's best friend is his old bar rag.
Bart continues with the joke by comparing the rag with
Milhouse. Insulted, Milhouse spurns Bart's friendship. The rag tells its life story, from being a
medieval French tapestry, woven by
Marge after
Mr. Burns, Duke of Springfield, killed all their
sheep which released demon spirits that forced Marge to weave the encounters the tapestry would have. The Duke was later accidentally hanged by the tapestry when he fell off a mountain; going to a cathedral before Vikings attacked it and Homer tore it; and then to the king of
Persia (
Nelson). Nelson was then told
1001 stories by
Scheherazade (
Lisa), who releases his other wives who were thrown in a pit for being boring and decapitates him. The rag was also used as a blindfold for the executed and as a cloth on the chopping block in
France; was used as a paint rag by
Michelangelo in his creation of the
Sistine Chapel; was used for a
Confederate flag during the
Civil War; and was made into soup during the
Great Depression. It then went close to the top of
Mount Everest as a flag, though the explorer died from lack of
oxygen. Moe's father, the
yeti on Everest found the rag and gave it as a gift to his son, an infant Moe. Meanwhile, Bart tries to win Milhouse back as a friend, going to his house at night. Milhouse refuses at first, stating that he is doing well without Bart. Bart reads a
poem about friendship to Milhouse, but Milhouse figures out that Lisa wrote it, and tells Bart that he can only win him back by doing something from the heart. As a gesture, Bart agrees to let
Drederick Tatum punch him. Milhouse is deeply moved, and renews their friendship. Moe wakes up to find the rag has been stolen. The thief is revealed as Marge, who cleans the rag before returning it. Moe then realizes that he has real friends in the
Simpson family, and tosses the rag out the window for
Santa's Little Helper, who takes care of the rag and then fights over it with
Maggie. The rag, meanwhile, is overjoyed to have finally found an owner who truly loves it. ==Production==