John Ruskin wrote the fantasy story
The King of the Golden River for Gray in 1841, when she was 12 and he was 21. Gray's family knew Ruskin's father and encouraged a match between the two when she had matured. After an initially unsteady courtship, she married Ruskin on 10 April 1848; she was 19 years old. During their honeymoon, they travelled to
Venice, where Ruskin was doing research for his book
The Stones of Venice. While in Perth, they lived at Bowerswell, the Gray family home, and site of their wedding. It had, coincidentally, previously been the home of Ruskin's paternal grandparents. In 1817, Ruskin's mother, Margaret, during her engagement to Ruskin's father, had stayed at Bowerswell and was witness to three tragic deaths within its walls in quick succession (Ruskin's grandmother, grandfather, and newborn cousin). This caused her to develop a severe phobia concerning Bowerswell, keeping her from attending her son's wedding to Gray. Gray and Ruskin's different personalities were thrown into sharp relief by their contrasting priorities. For Gray, Venice provided an opportunity to socialise while Ruskin was engaged in solitary studies. In particular, he made a point of drawing the
Ca' d'Oro and the
Palazzo Ducale (Doge's Palace), because he feared they would soon be destroyed by the Austrian troops suppressing the separatist
Republic of San Marco. One of the troops, Lieutenant Charles Paulizza, made friends with Gray, apparently with no objection from Ruskin. Her brother, amongst others, later said that Ruskin was deliberately encouraging the friendship in order to compromise her, as an excuse to separate. When she met
John Everett Millais five years later, Gray was still a virgin. Ruskin had persistently put off
consummating the marriage. Gray and Ruskin had agreed upon abstaining from sex for five years to allow Ruskin to focus on his studies. Ruskin confirmed this in his statement to his lawyer during the
annulment proceedings: "It may be thought strange that I could abstain from a woman who to most people was so attractive. But though her face was beautiful, her person was not formed to excite passion. On the contrary, there were certain circumstances in her person which completely checked it." The reason for Ruskin's disgust with "circumstances in her person" is unknown. Various suggestions have been made, including revulsion at either her pubic hair or menstrual blood. Robert Brownell, on the contrary, in his analysis
Marriage of Inconvenience, argues that Ruskin's difficulty with the marriage was financial and related to concerns that Gray and her less affluent family were trying to tap into Ruskin's considerable wealth. == Relationship with John Everett Millais ==