An opening pre-credits sequence shows events which led to the conception of both "Lads" during a
Second World War air raid. After the opening titles,
Bob and
Terry, both aged about thirty, are seen playing
football with some boys on a patch of rough ground, which leads to Bob having to be rescued from a high roof by the fire brigade. Later, Bob and Terry visit their favourite pub, the Fat Ox, which is about to be demolished, along with the surrounding terraced housing where both used to live. The now middle-class Bob feels great sentimentality for this loss, whereas Terry, who is now living in a newly built high-rise
council flat, is more optimistic about the city's redevelopment, pointing out that he now has a "modern kitchen, a lovely view and an inside lavatory". Terry has just received his final divorce decree from his wife in
West Germany and is looking forward to a bright future, whereas Bob has become ambivalent about his married life with Thelma and their social activities together. Terry soon begins a relationship with Chris, a
Finnish woman who works at the local boutique, of whom Bob is openly envious. Thelma sees this as an opportunity to get Terry married and settled down, thus removing the threat to her marriage which she perceives Terry as representing. In her pursuit of this, Thelma insists the four of them go away on a caravanning holiday in
Northumberland; but while Thelma and Chris are enjoying the trip, Bob and Terry do not, so early one morning, they hitch up the caravan, with the girls still asleep in it, and set off to drive home. While they are stopped at traffic lights in a small town, Thelma and Chris wake up and get out and Bob drives away before they can get back in, stranding them in front of the congregation heading into a church. Bob and Terry pick up two young female hitchhikers, until, while stopped at a filling station, they discover Thelma and Chris are not in the caravan. They abandon the hitchhikers and frantically retrace their route to rejoin Thelma and Chris. As a result of the trip, Terry and Chris split up, and Bob and Thelma separate. Bob decides to stay temporarily at Terry's, but Terry is now busy seducing Iris, a colleague of Chris, and Bob unwittingly walks in on their lovemaking, so he leaves. Both Bob and Thelma come to believe the other is having an affair and have a furious argument in the back of Terry's employer's van while he is working as an advertising demonstrator of a washing powder. Unbeknownst to them, the van's public address system is still switched on, broadcasting their argument to the neighbourhood. Terry loses his job because of this incident. Bob and Terry drive to
Whitley Bay for a weekend break and take a room in a
bed and breakfast. Bob promptly dates the landlady's daughter, whilst Terry is seduced by the landlady. When the landlady, suspicious of her daughter, enters her bedroom, Bob has to make a quick getaway through the bedroom window. The same then happens to Terry, with the daughter walking in on him in bed with her mother. Bob and Terry both find themselves in the garden without their trousers. But when the landlady goes down to the front door to let Terry back in, it is Bob who enters, without his trousers, causing her to protest loudly and threaten to call the police. The two lads make a hasty, trouserless departure in Bob's car. They return to Terry's flat, only to find Thelma and Terry's sister Audrey there, and their inability to explain the absence of their trousers does not help to resolve Bob and Thelma's problems. Taking Audrey's advice, Terry makes plans to emigrate and signs on as a deckhand aboard a ship leaving
Newcastle docks, and the two lads spend his last night in England drinking on board the ship and commiserating with each other. At the last moment, Terry decides not to go and disembarks, but Bob falls asleep on board and awakes in a lifeboat to discover the ship has sailed. Terry explains to Thelma that they will realise Bob is on board by mistake and let him off at the first port of call,
Bahrain. ==Cast==