After the centennial Hunting of the Megapode (a satirisation of the
Mallard ceremony performed at
All Souls College, Oxford), the faculty of
Unseen University discover that they must, as per tradition, play a game of
football, in exchange for their large
financial endowment from the late Archchancellor Preserved Bigger. If not, they will lose 87.4% of the university's food bill, and be forced to have (only) three meals a day. The wizards soon learn that the local version of football (similar to the actual game of
mob football) is very violent and deaths are common. Thus, in collaboration with the city's tyrant Lord Vetinari, they set out to make new 'official' football rules, based on translations of the rules from an ancient urn, which includes forbidding the use of hands and mandating the use of official footballs as opposed to the makeshift balls the street games use. With the prestige of UU under threat, the rise of Brazeneck College in Pseudopolis as a centre of magical learning and the return of Henry (formerly the Dean) to Ankh-Morpork as a rivalling Archchancellor do much to antagonise Archchancellor Ridcully. Parallel to this, the book tells the story of four young people. A candle dribbler named Mr Nutt discovers that he is not what he thinks he is and must overcome the fear of his race, both by humans and by himself. He is also chosen to train the university's team for the big match. Trev Likely, who is Mr Nutt's coworker and best friend, is the son of Ankh-Morpork's most famous deceased footballer Dave Likely (who had scored a record of four goals throughout his entire career), but has promised his (late) dear old mum that he won't play, but ultimately saves the game. Glenda is a friend of Mr Nutt and Trev, runs the Unseen University Night Kitchen, and bakes the Disc's best
pies. Juliet works for Glenda, has a crush on Trev (despite coming from families that support different teams), is simple and beautiful, and becomes a famous fashion model and the new face of dwarvish micromail (chainmail as soft as cloth). The four of them end up advising the wizards on their football endeavour. The novel culminates in an intense game between the Unseen Academicals and Ankh-Morpork United, a team made up of previously warring mob football teams including Dimwell and Dolly Sisters competing to prevent the more civilised game from becoming accepted, refereed by Archchancellor Henry (on the grounds that his divided loyalties to Unseen and Brazeneck would ultimately make him impartial). ==Characters==