; Wade Drummond : Eldest child and first son of Ted and Janet Drummond, Wade ran away from home at the age of 17 after a particularly violent encounter with his father, and proceeded to, for the next thirty or so years, wander across North America drifting from one job to the next in search of the next cheap thrill. As a result of his various encounters, Wade has contracted
AIDS, and has decided to settle down, eventually marrying Beth, a woman whom he met at an
STD support group. Wade rarely takes things seriously, and often teases his various family members, most notably his father Ted and brother Bryan. ; Ted Drummond : Patriarch of the Drummond family and generally abusive father, Ted resented his sons, Bryan and Wade, and doted on his daughter Sarah throughout most of their respective childhoods. After separating from his first wife Janet, Ted married Nickie, a
trophy wife, who, for some reason, cares deeply for him. An alcoholic, Ted can be at times charming and likable, and at others, abrasive and violent. ; Janet Drummond : Matriarch of the Drummond family, and Toronto native, Janet married her husband Ted straight out of college, and, as a result, has trouble filling her days following their separation. A caring mother, Janet is deeply concerned for the well-being of her children, and often checks up on them to make sure they are all right. Janet is in her mid 60's and trying to find herself. ; Bryan Drummond : The eternally depressed youngest child of Ted and Janet, Bryan has three times tried to kill himself. Finding solace in the wings of political activists and protesters, Bryan lacks focus and drifts aimlessly from cause to cause. Bryan is always the last in a room to get a joke, and has a penchant for the melodramatic. His girlfriend, also an activist, goes by the name
Shw. ; Sarah Drummond : The only daughter and middle child of Ted and Janet, Sarah is, without a doubt, the best-adjusted member of the Drummond family. Pursuing a career in aeronautics, Sarah became an astronaut, and is the reason for the family's reunion in Florida. Sarah has only one hand, the result of a birth defect, caused by her mother's use of
thalidomide while she was carrying Sarah. Always worried for her brothers, Sarah is always the first to know if anything is wrong with either Bryan or Wade, and is the only one able to get them to talk about it. ; Nickie Drummond : Ted Drummond's second wife, Nickie used to work for Mr. Drummond. Definitely at odds with Janet, they later bond over a shared medical condition. Nickie accidentally sleeps with Wade at an airport without knowing that he is legally her stepson. The realization by Ted of this encounter's step-incestuous nature causes a very large incident to occur. ; Shw : Bryan's girlfriend, Shw, is the child of very hippie parents. They allowed her to choose a new name at 16, when Shw chose Shw. Her real name is a mystery for most of the novel. Shw stands for Sogetsu Hernando Watanabe, a martyred hero of the
Peruvian Shining Path terrorist faction. She is pregnant with Bryan's child and has ulterior motives in the birth of the child. She has told Bryan she wants to abort the child, but this is a mask for her real intentions. ; Beth Drummond : Beth is Wade's wife. She is a very religious person, a foil to Wade's crazy attitude with life. However, it seems that her religious nature may be affecting Wade's personality. She is pregnant with Wade's child after a procedure in Europe allows her to become pregnant without becoming HIV positive. == Inspiration ==