Dong's mother died in 1642, leaving her to struggle financially. The noble Mao Bijiang (), alternatively known as Mao Xiang, had attempted to meet with Dong several times, but had pursued a relationship with the courtesan
Chen Yuanyuan instead. After Chen was abducted by a noble associated with the imperial court, Mao visited Dong. Her mother had been dead for two weeks and Dong was quite ill. She proposed that she become his concubine and, refusing to take no for an answer, allegedly followed him for 27 days on his boat. Eventually, the two agreed to wait for Mao to pass the
imperial examinations, which he failed. In order to facilitate Dong's marriage,
Qian Qianyi, husband of fellow courtesan
Liu Rushi, paid off her debts of 3,000
gold taels and had her name struck from the musicians' register. She then lived with Mao in
Rugao as his concubine, alongside his wife Lady Su. She has been described as an ideal dutiful, sacrificing and loyal wife and daughter-in-law during her marriage to Mao Bijiang, who as a loyalist of the Ming dynasty was persecuted after the Qing dynasty's rise to power in 1644. When Mao, Lady Su and Dong were forced to flee their home in 1644, Dong abandoned her more valuable belongings to save her writings and paintings. They stayed in
Huzhou until
Zhu Yousong was crowned emperor in
Nanjing later in 1644. Soon after, the household moved to
Zhejiang, where Dong compiled a book titled
Liuyan ji () about jewellery, women's costumes, pavilions and parties.Dong Xiaowan and Mao Bijiang both liked to sit quietly and taste the incense. Xiaowan treasured the "daughter's incense" which was regarded as the best by Dongguan people. She burned incense through a veil and paid attention to the flavor and mood when tasting the incense. Dong and Mao also liked to sit quietly in the incense pavilion and taste the famous incense carefully. Mao Bijiang recalled the scene of the two burning incense on cold nights in "Yingmei An Yiyu(影梅庵忆语)". After the war, Mao Bijiang fell ill with malaria, fever and chills, diarrhea and abdominal pain. To take care of him, Dong Xiaowan spread a broken straw mat beside the bed as her own bed, and would get up immediately to check on her husband as soon as he made a noise. When he was shivering with chills, Dong Xiaowan held her husband tightly in her arms. When her husband had a fever and was irritable, she would remove the quilt and give him a bath. When he had abdominal pain, she would massage him. When he had diarrhea, she would carry a basin and untie his belt. Dong Xiaowan never looked tired. After more than five months of tossing and turning, Mao Bijiang's condition finally improved, but Dong Xiaowan was already skinny, as if she had also been seriously ill. Later, Mao Bijiang fell ill twice. Once, he had a stomach disease and bleeding, and he could not eat or drink. Dong Xiaowan boiled medicine and boiled soup in the hot summer, and stayed by his pillow for 60 days and nights. The second time, Mao Bijiang had a carbuncle on his back, which was painful and he could not lie on his back. Dong Xiaowan hugged her husband every night, let him lean on her to sleep, and she slept sitting up for a full 100 days. In the process of taking care of Mao Bijiang, her mother-in-law and Mrs. Mao wanted to replace Dong Xiaowan several times, but she refused. She said: "I can do my best to serve my husband, which is the blessing of the whole family. I am nothing. Even if I die of illness, I will be reborn after death." ==Poetry==