Kindhearted but clumsy
MI7 agent Johnny English dreams of becoming Agent One, MI7's top agent. After the real Agent One is killed, followed by all of MI7's remaining agents at his funeral, both due to English's incompetence, he is left as the sole surviving agent capable of finishing Agent One's mission. Assigned to thwart a plot to steal the newly restored
Crown Jewels at an event hosted by French prison
magnate Pascal Sauvage, English meets the mysterious Lorna Campbell at the jewels' unveiling at the
Tower of London. During a sudden blackout, the Crown Jewels are stolen and English accidentally knocks out the head of security. He fights an imaginary assailant to cover his mistakes, and gives a false description of the unseen suspect to MI7 head Pegasus. English and his assistant Jeremy Bough follow a tunnel dug beneath the jewel's display case and confront German thieves Dieter Klein and Klaus Vendetta, who escape in a hearse. English loses them by pursuing a different hearse and ends up gatecrashing a funeral, until Bough saves him by having him pretend he is an escaped mental patient. Sauvage is revealed to be Klein and Vendetta's employer, and instructs the thieves to eliminate English. Pegasus - a friend of Sauvage - refuses to believe English and Bough's claims that Sauvage is involved and orders them to exclude him from the investigation. English and Bough are attacked by Vendetta, who escapes when English mistakenly attacks Bough. English again encounters Campbell and, having seen her at two crime scenes, his suspicions deepen when no record of her can be found on a single government computer. Determined to expose Sauvage, English and Bough infiltrate his headquarters and learn that Sauvage, a descendant of
Charles Edward Stuart, plans to make himself king using an impostor
Archbishop of Canterbury. English observes that the fake Archbishop has a tattoo on his backside saying
Jesus is coming – look busy. The pair encounter and try to interrogate Klein, but English accidentally injects him and himself with a powerful muscle relaxant. Campbell appears and rescues the two, revealing herself to be an
Interpol agent also tracking Sauvage. Attempting to inform Pegasus of his discoveries, English crashes a
reception hosted by Sauvage and makes a fool of himself due to the relaxant. As a result, he is dishonourably removed from the case by Pegasus. Sauvage abandons his plan to use the fake Archbishop and instead blackmails Queen
Elizabeth II into abdicating and erasing her
line of succession by threatening her
corgis. Campbell, now in charge of the assignment, convinces English to travel to Sauvage's French château and investigate behind Pegasus' back. After learning that Sauvage intends to transform mainland Britain into the world's largest prison, English accidentally blows their cover attempting to steal an incriminating DVD but accidentally takes the wrong disc before the two agents are captured. Bough rescues English and Campbell, and the three race to stop Sauvage's coronation. English exposes the Archbishop's bare bottom and discovers by the lack of the expected tattoo that he is genuine. Undeterred, English has Bough play the incriminating DVD, only to find it is footage of himself, from a bug placed by Sauvage in his flat, lip-syncing to
ABBA's "
Does Your Mother Know" in his underclothes. Having snuck away, English swings back in on a wire to steal
St Edward's Crown from the Archbishop. Sauvage draws a gun and shoots at English, making him drop the crown, and moments before he is crowned, English lands on the throne knocking Sauvage off, and is crowned himself. As king, English has Sauvage arrested before restoring Elizabeth to the throne, requesting only a
knighthood as a reward. A radio newsreader announces that Sauvage is awaiting trial for
high treason and execution, and that he has requested his brain be donated to
schizophrenia research. English and Campbell drive to southern France but English accidentally
ejects Campbell from his car while attempting to kiss her. In the post-credits scene, she lands in a swimming pool where Bough and a man matching the description of the imaginary assailant are on holiday. == Cast ==