of the Marx Brothers in the show. Original caption: “THOSE FOUR FUNNY FELLOWS IN ‘I’LL SAY SHE IS!’ The four Marx Brothers who have conquered New York without a single casualty. Left to right they are Chico, Groucho, Beppo [
sic], Harpo, Leonard, Julius, Herbert and Arthur respectively”
Act I ;Scene 1 – Theatrical Agency. The first act begins with a song by the chorus called "Do It". At its conclusion, the setting changes to the office of a talent agent, wherein
Zeppo bursts through the door, proclaiming to be a great musical actor. He gives a terrible impression of a popular musical act of the day. (The act being imitated would change over the run of the show.
Gallagher and Shean,
Joe Frisco, and
Charlie Chaplin are a few of its victims.) Just as the agent is about to kick Zeppo out,
Chico arrives, also proclaiming to be a great musical talent, and gives an even worse impression of the same musical act. This is followed by
Groucho, who wisecracks his way through his unsolicited audition. Finally,
Harpo bursts in, who pantomimes his way through his take on the audition. Another actor arrives, asking for a juvenile part, but he cannot do the impression the Brothers have just butchered. The agent invites him in. He then confides in the would-be actors that he has no jobs for them, but that there's "a wealthy young lady who claims she will give her heart, her hand, and her fortune to the man who gives her the greatest thrill." He then asks if they recall "the old fable of
the Richman, Poorman, Beggarman, Thief, Doctor, Lawyer, Merchant, Chief." The agent assigns himself as The Richman, and the rest of the cast will take the other parts, with each pursuing the wealthy young lady under the guise of the assigned role. This meager plot device ties the musical revue together. ;Scene 2 – Art Curtain. The men arrive at the heiress's residence, much to the chagrin of the butler, who agrees to let them in. ;Scene 3 – Beauty's Reception Room. The eight gentleman suitors, among them The Four Marx Brothers, enter the reception room of the heiress (known throughout as "The Beauty"). The men, each playing the roles of the aforementioned fable, attempt to woo her, but she states she needs a thrill in life. The Beauty requests that they each draw a number, to decide who gets the first chance to give her that thrill. In so doing, she takes the hand of The Chief, but doesn't let go. The Beauty and The Chief then sing the duet, "Thrill of Love" or "Only You". (The two songs were transposed between Acts I and II at some point during the run of the show.) ;Scene 4 – Art Curtain. From the drawing of numbers, The Richman draws the number one. But The Thief, being a thief, steals The Beauty and takes her to Chinatown. ;Scene 5 – Chinatown Street. In Chinatown, The Thief shows The Beauty all sorts of insidious thrills: terror, gunshots, and murder. ;Scene 6 – The Opium Den. The Thief then takes The Beauty to an opium den. The Beauty says that she'll "try anything once," and smokes opium. She falls asleep, which is followed by a "Chinese Apache Dance" number. At the end of the dance, one of the dancers falls dead. ;Scene 7 – The Dream Ship. An actor playing the role of a "Chinaman" sings "San Toy" and carries the dead dancer offstage. This is followed by a "dream ship" dance sequence. The Beauty awakes, with the Thief re-entering the scene, along with Groucho and a policeman. Groucho tells the policeman to arrest The Beauty, due to the death that has taken place. :
Groucho: You are going to be convicted of murder. :
Beauty: What makes you so confident? :
Groucho: ''I'm going to be your lawyer.'' ;Scene 8 – The Court Room. The Beauty enters the courtroom, accused of murder. Harpo enters as the judge. Chico enters as the defense lawyer, but is mainly interested in playing cards with Harpo. Groucho enters as the district attorney, to try to convict The Beauty of murder. He accuses her of stabbing the "Chinaman" with a revolver, but she proclaims innocence, and counterattacks by telling the Brothers that after they left her reception room earlier, all her silverware had gone missing. A Detective then enters to inquire about three suits that were stolen from the judge's chambers. He quickly finds a plethora of stolen property on both Groucho and Chico. He then shakes Harpo's hand, wondering why an honest man keeps such bad company. While shaking his hand, the silverware stolen from The Beauty falls out of Harpo's coat, piece by piece. ;Scene 9 – Art Curtain. The Beauty and The Chief appear before the curtain and make plans to meet later, after The Beauty has sought out more thrills. ;Scene 10 – 'Rainy Day'. Chorus members sing "Rainy Day". ;Scene 11 – Art Curtain. Another song follows: a solo for one of the female chorus members called "Wall Street Blues". ;Scene 12 – Wall Street. The Beauty meets the Richman on Wall Street. The Beauty watches as The Richman invests in stock, and, also, takes a turn at gambling. Thinking that this may be the thrill she's seeking, The Beauty tries her hand at gambling as well, and eventually, The Richman tells her the biggest gamblers play the stock market. ;Scene 13 – Wall Street Plaything. At the conclusion of the Wall Street sequence, which ends the first act, an elaborate costumed ballet performs a dance interpretation of gambling. Photographs from the performance show dancers dressed as dice, coins, a roulette wheel, and a gold statue, not unlike the extravagant
Busby Berkeley dance numbers seen in 1930s film.
Act II ;Scene 1 – Art Curtain. The second act opens with an unknown song by The Melvin Sisters. ;Scene 2 – The Inception of Drapery. Zeppo takes his turn to woo The Beauty. He does so by giving her the thrill of clothing and jewels from foreign lands, each carried onstage by a chorus girl, with The Beauty trying on a plethora of the risque garments. This does nothing to thrill The Beauty, and Zeppo walks off, telling her: :
Zeppo: ''It's the Beggarman's chance now. He will give you the thrill of Cinderella backwards. He will take you from riches to poverty. Good-Night!'' ;Scene 3 – Cinderella Backwards. Groucho, dressed in a tutu and long underwear and smoking a pipe, enters from behind the curtain—an intentionally bad Fairy Godmother impersonation. The Beauty tells Groucho that she wants to experience the thrill of being poor, having been rich all her life. She then asks for him to take her to her Prince Charming, but Groucho refuses, since he has other Cinderellas he has to look after. He promises to be back at midnight, so The Beauty decides to call her Rolls-Royce. Groucho tells her no, if she wants to experience being poor, she'll have to walk. :
Groucho: ''No Rolls-Royce, no taxi, no street car, no roller skates, not even a Chevrolet, you'll walk!'' :
Beauty: ''Marvellous, it's the first time in all my life I've ever walked!'' :
Groucho: Ah, then you have never been automobile riding? ;Scene 4 – Hawaiian Scene. In early performances, a dance quartet performed a "marathon dance number" at this point in the revue. On Broadway, this was replaced by a Hawaiian dance featuring "Sixteen Yankee Girls". ;Scene 5 – Art Curtain. The Chief and The Beauty meet at a marble fountain, with The Beauty wondering if The Chief is still pursuing her. They then sing "Thrill of Love" or "Only You". (The two songs were transposed between Acts I and II at some point during the run of the show.) ;Scene 6 – The Marble Fountain. A ballet of dancers portraying living statues performs a sequence called "The Awakening of Love". Groucho, Harpo, and Zeppo then parody this dance with their own dance number, referred to as "The Death of Love". ;Scene 7 – The Hypnotist. Chico claims to be a hypnotist, telling The Richman that he has just hypnotized The Beauty and she now thinks she is Josephine, wife of Napoleon. He then attempts to hypnotize The Richman himself with mixed results. :
Chico: ...You are a cat. :
Richman: Meow! :
Chico: You are a dog! :
Richman: Meow, - - - Woof! Woof! :
Chico: You are a snake. :
Richman: How do you "snake"? :
Chico: Just like a worm, only more. : (Richman tries to wriggle like a snake) :
...What a fat snake. :
Richman: ''Yes, but I don't think I am a snake.'' :
Chico: ''You don't, but I will give a thousand dollars to anyone who can prove that I don't think you are a snake.'' ;Scene 8 – Napoleon's First Waterloo. The Beauty enters as Josephine followed by Groucho as Napoleon. He calls for his faithful advisors—Francois, Alphonse, and Gaston—played by Chico, Zeppo, and Harpo, respectively. They appear, and they can barely hide their infatuation with The Beauty. Harpo makes no attempt to do so, ignoring Groucho's introduction altogether. Groucho questions The Beauty's love for him, but she doesn't understand. He leaves several times to go off to war, always coming back to say goodbye once more, or to fetch the sword he keeps forgetting. Each time he leaves, the other Brothers attempt to violently woo The Beauty, with Groucho alternately suspicious and oblivious to his advisors' advances to his wife. This becomes increasingly difficult for The Beauty to hide, as Harpo leaves his harp behind, and Chico, under cover, begins to sneeze. Eventually, Groucho discovers what is going on. The Beauty is afraid that Groucho will kill her, but he says he won't. Instead, he is going to sell the couch, which The Beauty finds even more upsetting than killing her. ;Scene 9 – Finale. The revue closes with another song and dance number, which changed over the life of the show. During its Broadway run, the song performed was called "A Bit of Tango Jazz". The eight gentleman suitors then enter with The Beauty. The Beauty tells them that the contest is over. She has found the greatest thrill in life, and that thrill is love. And she has found the thrill of love with The Chief. == Characters and original cast ==