Except in a few short stories, where Dortmunder is working alone, each of Dortmunder's plans calls for a team or "string". Seen most frequently are: •
Andy Kelp: All-purpose crook Andy Kelp (full name Andrew Octavian Kelp) is Dortmunder's best friend (though Dortmunder would be the first to deny this). Cheerful and optimistic where Dortmunder is dour and relentlessly pessimistic, Kelp is boundlessly enthusiastic and full of sometimes questionable ideas. In appearance, he is shorter than Dortmunder, has a pointy nose, birdlike mannerisms, and looks "like a
cockney pickpocket" (''Nobody's Perfect''). An experienced thief, Kelp has a notable penchant for stealing cars with M.D. plates whenever he needs transportation (his reasoning being that doctors have both the money and the ego to provide themselves with the very best, and they often leave the keys in their cars). Kelp also loves to adopt the newest electronic gadgets, generally to Dortmunder's annoyance. Because Kelp brings Dortmunder many eventually unsuccessful jobs (or jobs that promise great payment but which dismally disappoint all members of the string), Dortmunder has been known to call Kelp a jinx; however, Dortmunder is generally loyal to Kelp throughout the series, even if he sometimes finds him exasperating (especially as Kelp has developed the habit of picking the lock on John's apartment door and entering without knocking or ringing the doorbell first). Kelp has an older sister, whose adult son Victor (a former
FBI agent who wanted the FBI to have a secret
handshake) plays a role in some of the gang's misadventures (
Bank Shot and ''Nobody's Perfect
). Although unmarried over the course of the series, Kelp is known to have had at least two prior marriages, presumably dissolved; as of What's The Worst That Could Happen?'', he is in a relationship with Anne-Marie Carpinaw (see below). •
Stan Murch: Stocky, red-headed Stan Murch is the gang's usual driver. Genial and uncomplicated, Murch lives in
Canarsie with his cab-driver mother (usually referred to as "Murch's Mom" [see below]). Murch's life revolves around cars; he listens to audio recordings of the Indianapolis 500 for relaxation, and virtually every conversation he has includes a detailed account of his most recent trip in his car. Kelp and Murch are the only regulars to appear in every novel. Kelp also appears in many of the short stories. Over the course of the series, several other regulars are gradually added to the mix, including: •
Tchotchkus "Tiny" Bulcher: Introduced in ''Nobody's Perfect
. A specialist in Thuggery, Tiny is a massive, muscular "man mountain" of Eastern European descent; one of the more interesting descriptions of him is "a medium range intercontinental ballistic missile with legs. Also arms, about the shape of fire hydrants but longer, and a head, about the shape of a fire hydrant." (What's The Worst That Could Happen?)''. He is used to getting exactly what he wants, and due to his size and physical strength (he has been known to steal cars by merely lifting them onto a flatbed truck), he doesn't have to ask for it twice. He often tells stories about past crimes that have gone wrong and the dire retribution he has administered to his accomplices if they were to blame for the failed scheme. He generally finds Dortmunder and his cronies amusing –much to their relief. •
Rollo: The bartender at the O.J. Bar and Grill on
Amsterdam Avenue, the favorite hangout and meeting place for Dortmunder and his people. He remembers all of his customers by their drinking preferences, even when the customer hasn't set foot inside the bar for years, and usually refers to his customers by their drinks. He willingly turns a blind eye to what goes on in the bar's back room, but makes sure that there's no trouble in the main room. He runs the bar for the real owner, who has retired to Florida, and keeps him informed of how things are going. •
Arnie Albright: Dortmunder's usual fence. Arnie lives alone in a squalid apartment on the Upper West Side and collects calendars. His appearance and behavior repulse every character he encounters, but he is fully aware of this and compensates by offering better terms than his competitors. Even Dortmunder can't always stand dealing with Arnie, and from time to time he goes to another fence named "Stoon" (actual name not currently known). •
Judson "The Kid" Blint: Introduced in
Watch Your Back. A graduate of both high school and J. C. Taylor's (see below) detective course, Judson arrived unannounced at her offices looking for a job. J. C. immediately saw through him and his fake résumé, but sensed his potential and hired him as her assistant to take over the day-to-day running of her mail-order scams. He originally joined Dortmunder's gang as something of a mascot/protégé, but by the time of
Get Real he has been accepted as one of them (even if he hasn't yet settled on what he drinks at the OJ). •
Max: Proprietor of Maximillian's Used Cars. Max is a stereotypically dishonest used car dealer who is perennially unhappy with the state of his business. When Stan Murch or others in the gang want to dispose of vehicles they have stolen in exchange for some quick cash, Max is usually the buyer. Several other specialists appear less frequently in the series, such as Ralph Winslow, a lockman; Wally Whistler, an extremely absentminded lockman who once accidentally released a lion from its cage at the zoo; Jim O'Hara, a recently released burglar who still hasn't lost his prison
pallor, and Herman Jones, a black lockman formerly known as "Herman X" when he was a black radical and as "Herman Makanene Stulu'mbnick" when he was briefly Vice-President of the fictional African nation of Talabwo. Other memorable characters include Wilbur Howey, a lockman recently released after a forty-eight-year sentence (originally ten years, but he kept escaping and getting caught immediately); Roger Chefwick, a lockman who is crazy about model trains; and Fred and Thelma Lartz, a husband-wife driving team (Thelma now does the actual driving because Fred has lost his nerve after nearly being run down by an
Eastern Airlines flight on a
Kennedy Airport runway). Also of note are the various wives, girlfriends and female family members of the regulars, who often find their way into the plots. These regulars are sometimes employed directly in the gang's criminal enterprises, sometimes they are not. But they are all seen frequently, and could certainly be accused of aiding and abetting Dortmunder and his cronies in all their endeavors: •
May Bellamy: Dortmunder's longstanding live-in girlfriend, introduced in
Bank Shot, the second novel. She is a supermarket cashier, initially at
Bohack's, in later books at
Safeway. They met when she caught Dortmunder shoplifting. She is thin and dark-haired. Originally a
chain-smoker, she gives it up in later novels, resorting to fake-smoking. She is usually more optimistic than Dortmunder, which isn't hard, and she can keep him from becoming discouraged. During lean times, she keeps the two of in them in groceries by stealing from whichever store she is working in at the moment. •
Josephine Carol "J.C." Taylor: Introduced in
Good Behavior. Known as "J.C.", she is a sexy, tough businesswoman who runs several shady
mail order enterprises, including a detective course; a
song poem service; and her best-selling product by far: a profusely illustrated “educational” sex manual in which Josie herself is the primary female model. Beginning in
Watch Your Back, she delegates the day-to-day operations of these scams to Judson Blint in order to focus her attention on Maylohda, a nonexistent country she created in order to receive economic development aid. She is Commercial Attache for Maylodah (“mail order" in a New York accent). She is Tiny's girlfriend, and only Tiny calls her "Josie". •
Anne-Marie Carpinaw: Introduced in ''What's The Worst That Could Happen?''. A congressman's daughter from the
Midwest, abandoned in New York City by her husband. She became Andy Kelp's girlfriend after meeting him in a hotel bar and then becoming involved with him in the course of Dortmunder's vengeful pursuit of Max Fairbanks. She moved in with Andy and accepts his unusual lifestyle. •
Gladys Murch: Almost always referred to as "Murch's Mom", a temperamental cabdriver, usually out for a quick buck. Her first name is revealed in
Drowned Hopes. When planning their heists, the group usually meets in the back room of the O.J. Bar and Grill, at a circular table. Whoever gets there first gets the chair facing the door: Tiny is the only one who doesn't mind sitting with his back to the door. At these meetings, Andy and Dortmunder drink Amsterdam Liquor Store Bourbon, labeled "Our Own Brand", over ice; Murch drinks beer and salt due to his status as a driver (he prefers to nurse one beer, and the salt restores the head on it); Ralph Winslow drinks rye and water with many ice-cubes, which he keeps clinking; Tiny drinks a
tincture of red wine and vodka, described as looking like "flat cherry soda". Scenes set in the public areas of the O.J. usually involve the unnamed regulars at the bar, who provide comic relief by engaging in heated arguments on various topics of which they are ignorant. == Significant items stolen by Dortmunder ==