Routines The Metaphysics Lecture This faux university lecture was developed by Darden while with the Compass Players. It was first performed as a solo act in 1959 at the
Gate of Horn music club. According to his
New York Times obituary, this routine was influential with two generations of comedians. Darden assumes the character of a German-accented speaker, Prof. Walther von der Vogelweide (borrowing the
name of the famous medieval poet). An announcer introduces the lecture as
A Short Talk on the Universe, and the professor begins as follows: "Now, why — you will ask me — have I chosen to speak on the Universe, rather than some other topic. Well, it's very simple: there isn’t anything else!" The lecture is loaded with digressions and double-talk about time, space, etc., ending with questions from the audience on which he improvises.
Oedipus This was another Prof. Walther von der Vogelweide lecture (with the assistance of the rest of the Second City cast). The subject was "free will and necessity in the light of […]
Oedipus Rex", or "what would have happened to Oedipus if he had read the book before going on the journey". The professor plays the role of
Oedipus and refuses to perform the acts that would lead to his fate, but finds that despite his apparent
agency the other characters respond in ways that produce the same results. In the first scene, Oedipus encounters his father
Laius, knowing that if all goes according to the book the two will get into a
brawl, and he will commit the serious sin of
killing his own father. Aware of this, Oedipus is very deferential to Laius, only to find that the father is extremely touchy and hostile to anything that smacks of
sycophancy. Despite Oedipus' continued deference and protestations, Laius becomes increasingly angry and finally suffers a fatal
heart attack. In the next scene, the
Sphinx energetically tries to wheedle him into answering her riddle correctly, which Oedipus does not want to do. At one point she says, "Think of the power—of the glory—". He responds, "I don't need power and glory, I'm a
full professor." In the last scene, Oedipus is on the very point of gouging his eyes out when he suddenly stops and says "Wait a minute." He has realized something which he announces to the crowd: the actual results were due to chance or forced on him against his will. He explains how that applies to each "choice" and ends with "It's not my fault!" The people murmur among themselves for a few seconds, then repeatedly shout in agreement, and his eyes are saved. The professor ends the sketch by saying, "So you see, my dear students, the lesson that we learn from this is that Man
has free will, but tragic poets do not, and Art is not Nature."
Football Comes to the University of Chicago This sketch was originally developed for the Compass Players and revisited for Second City. It satirized the university and its students, presenting a possible explanation for the failure to introduce football. A typical coach teaches "Football 202" and struggles with the intellectual students. Darden plays Morgenstern, a student who states his field is the "history of arithmetic". After the coach mentions the football positions called "ends", Morgenstern asks where the beginnings for those ends are, because ends must have beginnings, according to
Aristotle. The coach presents the football, and Morgenstern declares, "It's a demi-poly-tetrahedron."
Films •
Goldstein (1964) – Doctor •
The Double-Barrelled Detective Story (1965) – H.S. Stevens •
Dead Heat on a Merry-go-round (1966) – Miles Fisher •
Fearless Frank (1967) – Doctor / Claude •
Luv (1967) – Vandergist • ''
The President's Analyst'' (1967) – V.I. Kydor Kropotkin •
P.J. (1968) – Shelton Quell •
Model Shop (1969) – Portly Man •
The Mad Room (1969) – Nate •
Justine (1969) – Bathazar •
The Virgin President (1969) – U.S. President / Fillmard Millmore • ''
They Shoot Horses, Don't They?'' (1969) – Cecil •
To See or Not to See (animated short; 1969) – Voice •
Pussycat, Pussycat, I Love You (1970) • ''Bongo Wolf's Revenge'' (1970) •
Vanishing Point (1971) – J. Hovah •
The Hired Hand (1971) – McVey •
Werewolves on Wheels (1971) – One •
The Last Movie (1971) (also composer) – Mayor •
Cisco Pike (1972) – Lawyer •
The War Between Men and Women (1972) – Dr. Harris •
Every Little Crook and Nanny (1972) – Dominic •
Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972) – Kolp •
The Legend of Hillbilly John (1972) – Mr. Marduke •
Play It as It Lays (1972) – Hypnotist •
Dirty Little Billy (1972) – Big Jim McDaniel •
Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973) – Governor Kolp •
The Day of the Dolphin (1973) – Schwinn – Foundation • ''
I Wonder Who's Killing Her Now?'' (1975) – Mr. Fletch / Dr. deHart •
Jackson County Jail (1976) – Sheriff Dempsey •
Mother, Jugs & Speed (1976) – Moran •
Victory at Entebbe (1976, TV Movie) – Moshe Meyer •
Wanda Nevada (1979) – Merlin Bitterstix •
A Small Circle of Friends (1980) – Art Professor •
Why Would I Lie? (1980) – Dr. Barbour •
In God We Tru$t (1980) – Priest •
Hopscotch (1980) – Maddox •
Soggy Bottom U.S.A. (1981) – Horace Mouthamush •
Saturday the 14th (1981) – Van Helsing •
Quarterback Princess (1983) – Mr. Hobart •
A Minor Miracle (1983) – Seminary Provincial •
Real Genius (1985) – Dr. Meredith •
Back to School (1986) – Dr. Borozini •
The Telephone (1988) – Max
Television series •
Alfred Hitchcock Presents (1961) (Season 7 Episode 6: "Beta Delta Gamma") as Franklin •
Charlie Paradise TV series pilot (1960). Darden played an eccentric painter named Flute who is murdered in his Greenwich Village studio in this unsold pilot intended as a spinoff to the Edward Binns CBS drama "Brenner", and which was eventually repackaged for air as the last episode of the series. •
Car 54, Where Are You? (1962) (Season 1 Episode 21: "Toody and the Art World") Darden plays Karpathia, a painter whose work appears to awaken an enthusiasm for modern art in Toody. This episode is particularly notable because Karpathia's temperament and accent somewhat resemble those of Professor Walther von der Vogelweide. Thus the portrayal gives us a hint of what Darden was like in his lectures. Darden's scenes take up about 9 minutes of the episode. •
Honey West (1966) (Season 1 Episode 27: "Little Green Robin Hood") as Dr. Gregory Ames •
The Monkees (1966) (Season 1 Episode 3: "Monkee vs. Machine") He plays the confused president of a toy company who is manipulated by Daggart (
Stan Freberg), a scheming executive who wants to make shoddier toys for the purpose of "planned obsolescence". •
I Dream of Jeannie (1967) (Season 3 Episode 12: "Jeannie and the Great Bank Robbery") as Milton •
The Monkees (1968) (Season 2 Episode 19: "The Monkee's Paw") In a very brief scene, Darden has an uncredited role as a psychiatrist who angrily insists that the Monkees' interpretations of inkblots are wrong. This is notable because the portrayal is exactly like Professor Walther von der Vogelweide in his most vehement moments. •
Daniel Boone (1968) (Season 5 Episode 9: "Valley of the Sun") as Sir Hubert Spencer •
It Takes a Thief (1969) (Season 3 Episode 1: "Saturday Night in Venice") as Ambassador Nikolai Palenkin •
Alias Smith and Jones (1971) (Season 1 Episode 14: "Never Trust an Honest Man") Oscar Harlenjen and Alan Harlenjen (In a dual role, as father and son) •
Night Gallery (1972) (Season 2 Episode 21: "You Can't Get Help Like That Anymore") as Dr. Kessler •
Kolchak: The Night Stalker (1974) (Season 1 Episode 9: "The Spanish Moss Murders") as Dr. Aaron Pollack •
Wonder Woman (1975) (TV movie) "The New Original Wonder Woman" •
The Ghost Busters (1975) (Season 1 Episode 11: "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde...Together, for the First Time!") as Dr. Jekyll •
Barney Miller (1976) (Season 2 Episode 22: "The Mole") as Randolph Cook •
Captains and the Kings (1976) (TV movie) as Plover •
The Six Million Dollar Man (1976) • (Season 3 Episode 17: "The Secret of Bigfoot, Part 1") as Apploy • (Season 3 Episode 18: "The Secret of Bigfoot, Part 2") as Apploy • (Season 4 Episode 1: "The Return of Bigfoot, Part 1") as Apploy •
The Bionic Woman (1976) (Season 2 Episode 1: "The Return of Bigfoot: Part II") as Apploy •
Laverne & Shirley (1977) (Season 2 Episode 23: "Citizen Crane") as Charles Pfister Krane •
Cheers (1983) (Season 2 Episode 4: "Homicidal Ham") as Professor DeWitt (with fellow Second City alumni
Shelley Long and
George Wendt) •
The Paper Chase (1984) (Season 2 Episode 12: "The War of the Wonks") as Professor Edwin •
Faerie Tale Theatre (1986) (Season 5 Episode 2: "The Princess Who Had Never Laughed") as Farmer Silas •
Beauty and the Beast (1988) (Season 1 Episode 20: "To Reign in Hell") as Waterman (uncredited) •
Beauty and the Beast (1989) (Season 2 Episode 14: "When the Blue Bird Sings") as Mr. Smythe
Recordings •
The Metaphysics Lecture (recorded Jan. 30, 1961) and
Oedipus are on an LP of Darden comedy routines titled . •
Football Comes to the University of Chicago is on CD 3 of the collection . ==References==