Marriages in early societies Women and men were married relatively young. For the women, it was soon after puberty and men were not much later, around fifteen and twenty respectively.
Mythological origin The story about the marriage of sister and brother
Nüwa and
Fu Xi told how they invented proper marriage procedures after marrying. At that time, the world was unpopulated so the siblings wanted to get married, but at the same time, they felt ashamed. They went up to
Kunlun Mountains and prayed to the heavens. They asked for permission for their marriage and said, "if you allow us to marry, please make the mist surround us." The heavens gave permission to the couple, and promptly the peak was covered in mist. It is said that in order to hide her shyness, Nüwa covered her blushing face with a fan. Nowadays in some villages in China, the brides still follow the custom and use a fan to shield their faces.
Historic marriage practices '' by
Xu Yang, 1759
Endogamy among different classes in China was practiced, the upper class, such as the
Shi, married among themselves. Commoners married among themselves as well, avoiding marriage with slaves and other ordinary people. This practice was enforced under the law.
Maternal marriage and monogamy In a maternal marriage, the husband moved in the woman's family home after the marriage. This happened in the transformation of antithetic marriage into monogamy, which signified the decline of
matriarchy and the growing dominance of
patriarchy in ancient China.
Marriage during the Han dynasty (202 BC – 220 AD) Marriages during this time included a number of mandatory steps. The most important of them was the presentation of
betrothal gifts from the groom and his family to the bride and her family. The bride's family then countered with a dowry. Sometimes the bride's family would buy goods with the betrothal money. Using a betrothal gift for family financial needs rather than saving it for the bride was viewed as dishonorable because it appeared as though the bride has been sold. A marriage without a dowry or betrothal gifts was also seen as dishonorable, as the bride was then seen as a concubine instead of a wife. Once all the goods were exchanged, the bride was taken to the groom's ancestral home. There she was expected to obey her husband and live with his relatives. Women continued to belong to their husband's families even if they had passed. If the
widow's birth family wanted her to marry again, they would often have to ransom her back from her deceased husband's family. If they had any children they stayed with his family.
Marriage matchmakers during the Ming dynasty ,
Ming dynasty, 17th c. copy of
Along the River During the Qingming Festival In the Ming period, marriage was considered solemn and according to the law written in The Ming Code (Da Ming Lü), all commoners' marriages must follow the rules written in Duke Wen's Family Rules (Wen Gong Jia Li). The rules stated that "in order to arrange a marriage, an agent must come and deliver messages between the two families." A marriage matchmaker had the license to play important roles by arranging marriages between two families. Sometimes both families were influential and wealthy and the matchmaker bonded the two families into powerful households. Studies have shown that, "In the Ming and Qing dynasties, a number of noble families emerged in Jiaxing of Zhejiang, where marriage is the most important way to expand their
clan strength." Hence, marriage matchmakers were crucial during the Ming era, and offer an insight into the lives of the Ming commoners. Instead of using the more gender-neutral term "mei ren" (), texts more frequently referred to marriage matchmakers as "mei po" (). Since "po" () translates to "granny" in English, it suggests that elderly female characters dominated the "marriage market". Indeed, in the novel
The Golden Lotus (Jin Ping Mei), the four matchmakers, Wang, Xue, Wen, and Feng, were all elderly female characters. In ancient China, people believed that marriages belong to the "Yin" side (the opposite of "Yang"), which corresponds to females. In order to maintain the balance between Yin and Yang, women should not interfere with the Yang side and men should not interfere with the Yin side. Since breaking the balance may lead to disorder and misfortune, men were rarely seen in marriage arrangements. Furthermore, unmarried girls were not in the occupation because they themselves knew little about marriage and were not credible in arranging marriages. As a result, almost all marriage matchmakers in literature were presented as elderly females. Being a successful marriage matchmaker required various special skills. First, the matchmaker had to be very persuasive. The matchmaker had to persuade both sides of the marriage that the arrangement was impeccable, even though many times the arrangement was not perfect. In Feng Menglong's "Old Man Zhang Grows Melons and Marries Wennü" in the collection
Stories Old and New (Gu Jin Xiao Shuo), he wrote about an eighty-year-old man who married an eighteen-year young girl. The marriage was arranged by two matchmakers, Zhang and Li. Given the age difference, the marriage seemed impossible, but the two matchmakers still managed to persuade the father of the girl to marry her to the old man. Feng Menglong described them as "Once they start to speak the match is successfully arranged, and when they open their mouths they only spoke about harmony." Matchmakers made a living not only by facilitating successful marriage arrangements, but also by delivering messages between the two families. When they visited the households to deliver messages, the hosts usually provided them food and drinks to enjoy, hence the verse "Asking for a cup of tea, asking for a cup of alcohol, their faces are 3.3 inches thick (they are really cheeky)." As marriage matchmakers, these grannies also possessed "guilty knowledge" of secret affairs. In
The Golden Lotus (Jin Ping Mei), According to the law, married woman had to be loyal to her husband, and anyone who discovered a woman who had an affair should report her immediately. Matchmakers were licensed to keep secrets about affairs because keeping privacy of their clients was their obligation. Even so, they were usually criticized for doing so. In
The Golden Lotus, Wang was blamed for encouraging ladies to have improper affairs.
Marriage matters in Xinjiang (1880–1949) Even though Muslim women are forbidden to marry non-Muslims in Islamic law, from 1880 to 1949, it was frequently violated in Xinjiang since Chinese men married Muslim Turki (
Uyghur) women. Turki women who married Chinese were labelled as whores by the Turki community; these marriages were illegitimate according to Islamic law. Turki women obtained benefits from marrying Chinese men since the Chinese defended them from Islamic authorities. These women were not subjected to the tax on prostitution and were able to save their income for themselves. Chinese men gave their Turki wives privileges which Turki men's wives did not have, The wives of Chinese men did not have to wear a veil. A Chinese man in Kashgar once beat a
mullah who tried to force his Turki Kashgari wife to veil. Turki women also were not subjected to any legal binding to their Chinese husbands and they could make their Chinese husbands provide them with as much money as she wanted for her relatives and herself, since the women could leave when she wanted to. Any property the Chinese men owned was left to their Turki wives after they died. Because they were viewed as "impure", Islamic cemeteries banned Turki wives of Chinese men from being buried within them. Turki women got around this problem by giving shrines donations to buy a grave in other towns. Besides Chinese men, other men such as Armenians, Jews, Russians, and Badakhshanis intermarried with local Turki women. Local Turki society accepted the Turki women and Chinese men's mixed offspring as their own people, despite the marriages being in violation of Islamic law. Turki women also conducted temporary marriages with Chinese soldiers temporarily stationed around them. Frequently, when the soldier's time at the post ended, they would sell their wives and daughters to other Chinese soldiers stationed nearby, taking their sons with them if they could afford to, abandoning them if they could not. ==Traditional marriage rituals==