Actual Items A parody of
Jay Leno's
Headlines segment on
The Tonight Show in which Leno finds humorous mistakes in various newspapers. Conan's bit takes regular newspaper ads and stories and adds blatantly fake text; for example, an ad depicting a leather living room couch was modified to include a cartoon cow exclaiming, "How's my ass feel, you son of a bitch?", or an ad for a new home, labeling one of the rooms as "The Room You Will Die In." Adding to the humor, Conan repeatedly insists that his ads are real, commenting "you can't make this stuff up, why would you, that would waste everybody's time." This sketch appeared on the show's very first episode in September 1993.
"ASS" Stamp Conan and Max converse about a current event or person, with Conan asking
leading questions to which Max replies incorrectly, but in great detail in an attempt to appear knowledgeable. Usually, this is initiated when Conan introduces a person who is famous for some accomplishment but not necessarily widely recognizable. Max will claim to recognize the person and perhaps claim to be a long-time friend or acquaintance of the individual. Conan then catches Max in the lie, stating "I made it up just to make a fool out of you!". Max replies "Well, I guess I know what's coming...", Conan says "You sure do", and a large red stamp (like a typical rubber stamp imprint) of the word "ASS" appears on the screen over a dejected Max, along with a dramatic voiceover of the word. Occasionally, the roles will be reversed, and Conan will be "stamped". Other stamps are often used to abruptly punctuate various one-off sketches, including words such as "Alone", "Liar", "Sad", and "Small Penis". Another sketch on
Tonight ended with an "Admirable" stamp after
Barack Obama called the work of
AFTRA members "admirable" in a video. Otherwise, these sketches bear no particular resemblance to the standard recurring "Ass Stamp" sketch. A variation of the ass stamp appeared on Conan's new show on TBS in 2011 during the NFL playoffs where Conan and Andy are trying to feign an interest in the NFL playoffs and afterward, a stamp appears over the two of them calling them "GIRLS". This happened again during the Stanley Cup Playoffs when Conan said he was cheering for the Boston Bruins, since Conan is from Boston. Andy then called him out on it, saying he's never heard about him talk about hockey before. Andy then quizzed him on who the coach was, name a forward, the goalie, etc., and then asked who the Assistant Equipment Manager was, and then ridiculous ones like Vice-President of Corporate Partnerships. Eventually, Conan got one wrong and Conan was stamped as a "PHONY A-HOLE".
Before Plastic Surgery A picture of a famous celebrity, usually either rumored to have had or has actually had plastic surgery done in real life, is shown. The picture is then distorted with exaggerated features into a grotesque new picture of what that person looked like before the surgery. The last item in the sketch often makes a joke using an unaltered photograph of another unrelated celebrity, animal, plant or object as the before picture: for example, if George W. Bush had plastic surgery, his before picture would be that of a chimpanzee. The sketch is loosely related to the "If They Mated" sketch in that it uses the same technology for a similar comedic premise.
Celebrity Secrets Features celebrities in a room that looks like a jail cell or perhaps a police interrogation room, smoking a cigarette and downing hard liquor, usually telling some humorous "secret" previously unknown about them. For example, one featured
Michael Caine saying "I was convinced that the 'MC' in
MC Hammer's name stood for Michael Caine. When I found out it didn't, I destroyed his career." Another featured
Alex Trebek taking a drink, and admitting he had a "potent potables" problem. When
Gwyneth Paltrow appeared on the sketch she admitted that anytime before she starts a new film she kills a hobo with a hammer, as well as admitting an affinity for porn. When
U2 appeared on the sketch, they admitted they were not
Irish. When Senator
John McCain ran for president in
2008, Conan began replaying his secrets segments, which included McCain plugging "The
McCain-Feingold Singles Guide to Portland."
Coked up Werewolf Shown in 2003 numerous times. The sketch was simply a man in a werewolf costume, rubbing his snout in a manner stereotypically associated with cocaine users.
Conan O'Brien Hates My Homeland The premise of this skit had its origin when
Late Night received many angry letters from viewers in
Ukraine after mocking that nation in another recurring skit,
New Euros, where the joke was an image on a Ukrainian Euro Coin depicting a man in Eastern European dress with four arms, holding up seventeen fingers, with the caption on the coin saying "Over 17 years since the Chernobyl Accident". O'Brien was unaware that his show was even airing in Ukraine - thus, the premise of "Conan O'Brien Hates My Homeland" is that O'Brien, in an effort to find out where else the show is being aired without his knowledge, reads fast-paced insults of each of the nations of the world in alphabetical order, with the expectation that angry mail will come pouring in from offended viewers in countries where the show is broadcast. O'Brien insults 5 countries (with a bell ringing between each one) each time the bit airs. A sample insult: ''
Georgia: Where Europe meets Asia and says "Hey, why don't we both dump our crap here?"'' Announcer Joel Godard then tells insulted viewers around the world a real address to send their angry letters. On August 9, 2007,
Zimbabwe was the last country to be featured, thus ending the sketch after three years.
Finland An announcer on the Finnish entertainment channel
SubTV, which airs the show a couple of days after it is aired in the USA, asked people to defend Finland before O'Brien got to insult it, and the viewers in Finland began sending mail before the bit had even gotten to the letter F. O'Brien responded by assuming the Finnish "just couldn't wait" to be insulted and officially insulted Finland in the segment. An overwhelming number of
postcards were supposedly received, which apparently "forced" O'Brien to give Finland a formal apology. O'Brien then went as far as to have the
flag of Finland shown in the background during a speech and slandered the Finns' "hated" neighbor Sweden with a sign saying "Sweden Sucks!" printed over the
flag of Sweden. In 2006, the Finland antics increased. While talking to fans before the show, O'Brien met two Finnish fans who commented that he strongly resembled
Tarja Halonen, who served as the 11th
president of Finland between 2000 and 2012. Amused that his show was even airing in Finland, O'Brien made frequent references to his resemblance to Halonen, even putting her picture beside a live feed of his head. Upon learning that Halonen was
running for reelection, O'Brien filmed a segment of the show which took the form of a campaign commercial for the President. When Halonen won, she offered to meet him if he ever came to Finland, which O'Brien did in a later episode.
Desk Drive Conan and Andy "drive" the host desk through increasingly bizarre situations and locations. Both Desk Drive and
Syncro-Vox were later used by the German late night show
Die Harald Schmidt Show.
Fantastic Guy This sketch sometimes occurs when Conan announces future guests. After announcing the first guest, a member of the audience (played by writer
Brian Stack) is seen saying that the guest is "
Fantastic!" right to the camera with a
thumbs up. After Conan announces the next guest, the member does almost the same thing, but ends by making up a word by combining a guest's name or work with the word "fantastic". (For example: "Wow,
Omar Epps? That charismatic scene-stealer is Epps-tastic!" or "Tell that group, "don't stop the 'tastic!") Then, Conan reminds viewers he will also be doing his usual "hilarious monologue", the camera shows that the man prepares to do his bit, but changes his mind. Conan also mentions the show's "zany, off-the-wall comedy bits", and the man either already stopped paying attention and/or begun torturing himself. (Examples: reading a disturbing or uninteresting book or newspaper article, drinking bleach or drilling his teeth.) Conan then questions the man, asking if he just likes the guests but "thinks everything else we do is
crap?" or some other negative word. The man will then finish with "not crap, crap
tastic!"
Guests We'll Never Have Back Conan will start by talking about how great the guests for that night's show are, then mention that sometimes they book guests whose appearances end up being disastrous. He then introduces a series of fictional clips from past shows where the guests reveal themselves to have unforeseen quirks or cause disturbing mishaps. Some examples include a chef who does not actually make anything, but only reassembles food to its original form, and a character named Barney Brittlebones who crumples to the floor the instant he makes physical contact with Conan.
Horny Manatee During the airing of the usual "
New College Mascots" sketch, a character called the "
FSU Webcam Manatee" was featured - a manatee in front of a computer, dancing to the
Divinyls' "
I Touch Myself", being watched remotely by trumpeter
Mark Pender. Conan, in an
ad-libbed statement, mentioned that the character appeared on the (at the time) fictitious web site "HornyManatee.com". The next night, Conan told viewers that if he mentions a
web site which does not exist, NBC corporate policy is to buy the domain name lest someone else use it and potentially make NBC liable for the site's content. Conan said
Late Night decided to use the domain name to create an actual web site, giving it the appearance of a fake
porn site. With
http://www.hornymanatee.com/ (no longer operational), Conan asked viewers to submit pictures to the page. Since that night, Conan has periodically given viewers an "update" on the website's status, mentioning its hit count and several fan submitted images, poems, and other media pouring in. Conan also used the updates as lead ins for special, on-stage Horny Manatee segments. For example, Conan called on
James Lipton to dramatically recite the fan-made poetry, then dance with the Manatee on air at his own request, and flew the
Pittsburgh-based pop-punk duo Rocket Me Nowhere to New York to perform their tribute song "My Hopeless Manatee". The last time Conan stated site's hit count (January 18, 2007), it was "20 million hits" and counting. In an interview with
New York Times, O'Brien has also said that he was overwhelmed at the viewer response. As of December 16, 2006, the site has achieved an
Alexa website ranking of about 31,000,000, over thirty times the rank for SaveTheManatee.org (about 937,000), to which
Late Night is donating some proceeds of its "Horny Manatee" T-shirts offered on the site. Currently, traffic to the website is routed to NBC's main site.
If They Mated Pictures of two famous celebrities, usually believed to be dating at the time, are shown. The pictures are then combined into a grotesque new picture of what their offspring would look like if they mated. The segment became so successful that it later spawned a book. The last item in the sketch often makes a joke using an unaltered photograph of a celebrity as the offspring: for example, if
Saddam Hussein and
Osama bin Laden ("two of the most hated people in the world") were to have a child, it would be
Steve Bartman. Another notable example;
Paris Hilton and her pet chihuahua would create
George W. Bush. Once Conan mated
Kelly Ripa with
Clay Aiken then asked the question "What do you get when you cross a perky talk show host and a guy who just won't come out of the closet?", and a picture of Conan was shown. The sketch was revived on O'Brien's TBS show,
Conan as "If They Melded" using video of two famous celebrities, though they usually are not dating each other.
Joe's Conan begins by talking about needing to relax and unwind by going to his favorite bar - Joe's. Theme music plays with an exterior shot of the bar. He walks inside and the bartender (Kevin Dorff) and a patron (
Brian McCann) begin to berate Conan invariably for showing up to an event 'completely plastered' insisting on feminine activities and in some way or another ruining food or drink that's to be served. Conan drinks hard liquor while being yelled at and looking insecure. The sketch always ends with the bartender, Joe, demanding Conan pay the money he owes. Conan stands up, screams, "I'LL PAY WHEN I'M GOOD AND READY!", and hurls his drink against the wall, often returning to break a stool over the bartender and patron
Kids’ Drawings Conan tells the audience about a recent visit to the studio by a local grade school class of young children who were so impressed with their visit that they sent in crayon drawings of their favorite experiences. Conan looks at these drawings for the first time with the audience.
Masturbating Bear The Masturbating Bear was a recurring character on Late Night. The character consisted of a man in a bear costume dressed in a diaper-like undergarment which contained oversized genitalia, and was often accompanied by several human "handlers" armed with cattle prods. The character would be asked to perform some sort of innocuous task such as explaining a chart on recent economic fluctuations or smoking weed with Conan O'Brien. Inevitably, a few seconds into whatever task he had come to perform, the bear would begin furiously fondling himself as part of the song "
Sabre Dance" plays. The bear would then usually be given electric shocks by his human handlers. Despite repeated instances of masturbation, the Masturbating Bear would continue to be invited back on Late Night. Once, the bear was revealed to be
Jim Carrey in costume. During the last week of Conan's run on Late Night, Conan declared the bear was too risque for 11:30 and tried to retire the bear by encasing him in carbonite,
Han Solo. This drew a protest from
Carrie Fisher, who subsequently freed the bear. The bear was last seen sailing away on a boat with Fisher until he reappeared on The Tonight Show on January 20, 2010 in the wake of the controversy surrounding Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien, which saw O'Brien's departure. Originally, it was thought NBC would be able to claim the Masturbating Bear as
intellectual property. As a result, he was transformed into the
Self-Pleasuring Panda for O'Brien's tour. When O'Brien took his TBS show to New York City for a week in 2011, the bear was, in one episode, depicted as being out of show business and settling down with a wife and two children in the New York suburbs. After a brief video reel revealed such, the bear was invited on stage to a cheering audience. However, Conan's words about the size of the audience became too much for the bear, who stripped out of his business attire and began to pleasure himself both on stage and on hanging rafters above. After a series of bear attacks in April 2012, the bear came to Conan's TBS show in Los Angeles. During Conan's June 2012 trip to Chicago, Conan introduced the Masturbating Bear, but instead a man dressed as a
Chicago Bears player watching Internet pornography with his pants down was brought onto the stage. The original Masturbating Bear came out soon after. In a 2017
Reddit AMA, O'Brien claimed that the masturbating bear died in 2015 of autoerotic asphyxiation.
New Characters Conan tells the audience that it is time for new additions to be added to Late Night's current characters, such as "The Masturbating Bear" or the
FedEx Pope (Brian McCann). New additions are often more ridiculous than ones before, such as the Nudist Who Has No Skeleton or the Screeching Raccoon with a Jet Pack. Some are popular enough to warrant a second appearance, though few are actually made into recurring characters. Generally the new characters are absurdist in nature and carry names which fully describe their appearance or concept, sometimes extending to full multi phrase sentences. For example, one recurring character was "Gorilla Nurse Using an Old Fashioned Abdominal Exerciser While Listening to 'Angel of the Morning' by Juice Newton" a character which consisted simply of a stuffer gorilla in a nurses costume being vibrated by an old abdominal exerciser while the titular music played. A related gag also exists where Conan promises that he will not waste the audience's time with zany, random jokes, only to introduce a completely zany, random character. Notable characters from this bit include
Fidel Castro Rabbit
DJ, Nation of
Twain, Man protected from three-inch
bees, Hippie fire hydrant on a bacon
skateboard,
Cactus Chef Playing "
We Didn't Start the Fire" on the Flute and the Oscillating Air Purifier that Looks Like
Slash, and
R2–
Mr.T2. Another version is "New College Mascots", which feature fake mascots which often make fun of a real college or its surrounding area. One such skit featured an "FSU Webcam Manatee" which spawned the "
Horny Manatee" sketch of December 2006. In the lead-up to his departure for The Tonight Show in early 2009, O'Brien brought back characters which would be inappropriate in the 11:30 PM time slot, such as the Masturbating Bear, which was frozen in
carbonite, but subsequently rescued by
Carrie Fisher. The
New York Daily News reported on May 27, 2009 that O'Brien eventually plans to reintroduce the Masturbating Bear on
Tonight.
Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage A bit in which Late Night graphic designer
Pierre Bernard, Jr. sits in a recliner, delivering a long, drawn-out rant about one of his niche interests—such as
comic books,
anime, or
sci-fi—in a soft-spoken, disarmingly calm voice. After finishing his grievance, he shifts his recliner to an upright position and points to a second camera as he declares, “Bottom line, America...,” followed by his specific demands on the issue. Conan then thanks Pierre, typically adding, “I'm sure there's one or two other Americans who know exactly what you're talking about.” Much of the humor of the sketch comes from the dry, emotionless manner in which Bernard delivers his "rage." A complaint about the TV show
Stargate SG-1 led to him getting small cameos on the show; whereas a complaint about the Japanese anime franchise
Robotech numerous DVD releases in the marketplace prompted a "response" from robotech.com about the complaint and an offer to send Bernard a free complete collection of the DVDs. In 2007, Bernard and O'Brien starred in a spin-off sketch entitled "Pierre Bernard: Serial Killer." The sketch had been inspired by Bernard's real life refusal to allow the show to tape a remote segment at his home focusing on his sizable action figure collection. Conan insisted that the only explanation for Bernard's reluctance to allow a camera crew into his home was that the graphic designer was, in fact, a serial killer. During the sketch, O'Brien interviewed Bernard in the manner of news magazine shows such as
Dateline NBC, asking questions designed to implicate Bernard as a murderer. Initially, Bernard seemed reluctant but as the sketch went on he seemed to get more into the act. At one point, Bernard admitted that he did not describe himself as prolific because "I haven't been killing for very long." After the taped portion of the sketch, Bernard was wheeled on stage on a gurney wearing a muzzle similar to
Hannibal Lecter in
The Silence of the Lambs. Pierre Bernard moved with O'Brien on
The Tonight Show to continue as a graphic designer and occasional performer, first seen on June 3, 2009.
Puppets and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog Late Night made extensive use of puppets since the show's inception. For example, in one sketch, called "Puppet's Last Words Channel", a puppet scientist prepares to take a drink from a cup labeled "acid" and says, "I sure do love my morning cup of coffee." The acid melts the puppet's face. In another segment of the same sketch, a puppet exclaims to another puppet that she was born with both sets of genitalia. One recurring gag features "Vomiting
Kermit", showcasing the Muppet retching streams of liquid from its mouth. Perhaps the most notable puppet, both on and off the show, is
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. On June 19, 2009, Triumph crossed over onto ''
The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, and would eventually cross over to Conan'' on
TBS. Conan would later appear on
Late Night with Jimmy Fallon to ceremoniously retrieve Triumph, which had somehow been hiding behind one of the couches on the set. Before retrieving the puppet, Fallon asked Conan, "You were the host [of Late Night] for 16 years. Then...what happened?" A digital version of the lever designed as a browser extension by developer was released in 2015.
Nerding It Up For Pierre In this bit, Conan tries to explain a popular news story to graphic designer Pierre Bernard (See "Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage" above) by relating current events to obscure events in various
anime or
science fiction shows that Pierre understands and enjoys, such as
Battlestar Galactica. A previous version of this sketch was "Dumbing It Down For La Bamba", where Conan would use basic, often childish language when describing current events to the band's trombonist.
Questions From The Audience Conan reflects on the fact that he has had a long and varied career. He offers to field any questions from the audience on some of the celebrities he has met or any other interesting aspect of his life in show business. However the questions from the audience always relate to obscure topics such as how best to grow a plant or car maintenance advice. While Conan expresses disappointment that the question is not about his career, he is always able to give expert in-depth answers to the audience's queries.
60 A parody of the
Fox series
"24". "60" takes the premise of 24 to the extreme: each one second episode takes place in the same minute. The story revolved around Canadian Special Agent Chuck Aloo (
Andy Blitz) attempting to protect the
Prime Minister from a diabolical plot involving a sandwich with mustard in it.
"Andy's Little Sister, Stacy," The 1997 inaugural iteration of the running sketch was the first sketch written for the show by writer
Brian Stack. In the skit,
Amy Poehler, who was Stack's former colleague from their Chicago improv days, plays the 13-year-old younger sibling of O'Brien's sidekick,
Andy Richter, whose unrequited crush on O'Brien manifests in a range of emotion that runs "from adorable bashfulness to volcanic, homicidal rage." Stack would later say of Poehler in a 2021
Washington Post interview, "I’ve always been in awe of her incredible talent, but seeing her, Conan and Andy [Richter] have so much fun in that sketch is an especially wonderful memory for me and I’ll never forget it."
Artie Kendall the Ghost Crooner The ghost of an old-fashioned lounge singer (played by
Brian Stack) who worked in the studio during the 1930s when it was a radio studio. Kendall's song lyrics reflect antiquated views that offend Conan. Kendall later reveals he was killed by the
League of Women Voters, who, offended at Kendall's misogyny, made him dig his own grave before beating him to death with the shovel. Like
Hannigan the Traveling Salesman, the old-timey tone of Artie Kendall was partially inspired by Stack's love of old movies like
Thin Man and
My Man Godfrey. Stack was also inspired by the fact that Rockefeller Center had been in operation since the 1930s, and that radio singer
Bing Crosby had "sort of a dark side" in his personal life that did not appear in his onscreen persona. The numerous songs Kendall sings all have different lyrics — he usually first croons a song topical to the 1930s, then a sexist song about women, then, when Conan gets offended at Kendall's lyrics and displays what Kendall refers to as his "Irish temper", a song about the Irish. Each song, however, has exactly the same melody and arrangement (which also happens to be exactly the same melody Bathtime Bob sang).
Audience Interview In this bit introduced in mid-2005, Conan says that because he's always interviewing famous celebrities, who endorse their latest movie/album/etc., he rarely gets an opportunity to talk to the audience, which he says he'd like to do. So, for a change of pace, he says he's going to go into the audience, pick out a random member, and ask them some basic question. However, the gag is that the audience member he "randomly" picks is always a celebrity, who faithfully reveals him/herself when Conan asks what their name is and who always sits on the first seat immediately right of the aisle of the back row in the far righthand section. They also happen to still endorse some product, or even a standard "latest work" as well. Some examples of guests include
Ted Danson,
Jerry Stiller,
Alan Alda,
Bob Saget,
Jerry Springer,
Donald Trump,
Mr. T,
Fabio, and
Larry King.
Audience Talent Conan goes into the audience and selects pre-picked audience members to show their unique talents, but the person's "talent" is obviously faked. Conan does not know who the people are going to be, and the audience does not know what their talent is until Conan reveals it. This was a very similar precursor to the
Audiencey Awards.
Billy Tyler, the Kid No One Loves A little boy named Billy Tyler would come out talking about all the hardships he has endured in his life, each one more pathetic than the last. Finally, when Conan offers him words of encouragement and advice, Billy rejects them, screams "You're a loser!" at Conan, and runs off.
Cloppy A depressed and suicidal horse whose name is a reference to the "clop-clop" sound he makes as he slowly walks offstage to shoot himself. In one interview, actor
Nicolas Cage expresses his fondness of Cloppy. Subsequent editions of "Cloppy" have included mentions to Cage's endorsement of the sketch.
Conan and Max Hang Out Conan introduces a moment of camaraderie between him and Max, then cuts to a scene of Conan in his dressing room. Max comes in and enthusiastically invites Conan to go somewhere, such as to lunch, to grab a beer, or to shop at the NBC store because it has great stuff. Conan happily agrees, but as soon as the two begin walking together they awkwardly do not speak to each other and look bored. The camera follows them like this down hallways and elevators until they reach their destination, at which point they quickly grab the food or drink and part ways. The sketch may include other sight gags, such as Conan also being seen shoplifting several items from the NBC store.
Conan Babies Appearing in the show's early years on Friday nights, this sketch was introduced as the day's earliest Saturday morning cartoon (since, technically, the Friday night shows aired in the early hours of Saturday). The title was a take-off of
Muppet Babies and the sketch itself was a parody of low-budget 1970s cartoons, featuring very limited animation of Conan, Andy, and Max as babies getting into adventures. Conan, Andy, and Max provided their own voices, and mouths, in the same
Syncro-Voxed style as their Fake Celebrity Interviews. Most of Max's dialogue consisted of the word "caca" and each sketch would end with the three babies incongruously breaking out into song,
The Archies or
Josie and the Pussycats.
Conan's Diary After interviewing an attractive female celebrity, Conan occasionally opens his "
Hello Kitty" diary and writes about the interview while the celebrity remains in the interview chair. The audience and celebrity can hear a voiceover of what Conan is writing. Conan admires his own interviewing skills, then notes that he thinks the celebrity has a crush on him. The celebrity, feeling awkward, asks him to stop writing. Conan audibly notes that the celebrity is an "insane bitch", and finishes writing.
Conan Sings a Lullaby Conan explains that many viewers are new parents trying to get their baby to sleep and he will help them, so he begins to sing a nice lullaby with the aid of his acoustic guitar "Bessie Lou" (also the name of his desk, guest chair, and couch) and then takes advantage of a baby's lack of understanding of language and mentions things adults would find horrible in a soothing way. After a while, Conan figures that his main audience is getting bored, so after telling the parents to turn the baby away from the TV, he starts showing humorous and sometimes violent pieces of footage. With the baby now asleep, Conan tells the parents to go have sex.
Dudez-A-Plenti Conan decides to form his very own boy band following the success of the
Backstreet Boys and the show
Making the Band. He calls for an audition, in which he picks 5 buff young men: Elliot, Professor P, Iago, the Kid Man, and Samantha. In their first group meeting, they think of ideas for their first hit song, only to come up with the words "Baby" and "I Wish". This leads to their first "hit" single:
"Baby, I Wish You Were My Baby". The group reunites one year later to record their first music video for a new song called "Awesome", which includes the word "awesome" 28 times according to Conan.
Emergency Guest In this recurring skit during the show's early years, Conan announces to the audience that a regularly scheduled celebrity guest has unexpectedly cancelled their appearance at the last minute. In order to fill out the air time, Conan brings out the "emergency guest" which is a life sized mannequin in a large glass "break in case of emergency" box. After being placed into the guest chair and activated by Andy, the mannequin plays recorded messages which feature typical banter for late night talk show guests such as
name dropping other celebrities he's seen at parties and requesting a clip from his latest movie be played. Conan frequently struggles to keep the conversation in-sync. The mannequin also reassures the audience that there's no need to panic. Often, the Emergency Guest malfunctions and needs to be deactivated before the interview is over. Conan then walks into the off stage hallway and breaks out the Emergency Emergency Guest, a minor celebrity such as
Nipsey Russell or
Joyce Brothers who makes a cameo appearance
European Guy Conan begins to discuss some political issue negatively affecting America, and is interrupted by Gustavo, a European who smugly and arrogantly points out Europe's superiority over America. He appears in strange clothing (particularly shoes) and frequently eats strange lollipops, all of which have stereotypically silly European-sounding names (Stolflucht, Flexenfüsser,
etc.), which he defends as superior to their American equivalents, in spite of their peculiar appearances
Friends of the Show Conan is frequently visited by
Mr. T,
Abe Vigoda, and
James Lipton as themselves, who appear in bizarre situations on the show. Abe Vigoda is often poked fun of for his advanced age, fueled by the
false reports of his death in the past. Memorable bits featuring Vigoda involve him being found in odd places by Conan, such as under the
audience risers, being dressed up as a character such as "Vi
yoda", and using the extra screen space afforded by the widescreen 16:9 HDTV format to shoot
baskets, with Vigoda on one side of Conan and the basket on the other. Mr. T appears both in the show's regular segments, such as
Celebrity Secrets, and in remotes, such as going to an apple orchard with Conan. Lipton typically appears to lend his serious acting abilities to humorous situations, such as a dramatic re-enactment of
Christian Bale's 2009 profanity-laced tirade towards a director of photography, with Lipton playing both Bale and the crew member.
The "Fun Hole" Guy Conan gets interrupted by a man in the audience (played by
Brian McCann) who wears a blue T-shirt with a sweater around his shoulders. He complains about lack of decency, takes the sweater off and storms off, revealing him wearing fishnet stockings, and a shirt that says "Fun Hole" on the back with an arrow pointing down to his
speedo-clad
buttocks.
Good Priest, Bad Priest Conan's
Catholic church pastors, Father DeCarlo and Father Kelly, would come on the show and subject Conan to an interrogation related to some sort of upcoming religious celebration (such as why he does not have a manger for
Christmas). Most of the time, they start to abuse Conan by bringing up his "
touching himself" nightly. Father DeCarlo acts as the "Good Priest", asking questions calmly, while Father Kelly would act as the "Bad Priest", trying to intimidate Conan. Towards the end of the sketch,
Jesus enters, resulting in Conan exclaiming "Jesus Christ!", and tells the priests to leave Conan alone, and recruiting them on a more important mission, usually abusing figures such as
Santa Claus and the
Easter Bunny. The sketch ends with Jesus telling Conan and the crowd "You owe me one... you all owe me one!" In recent episodes Jesus has been joined by Mary (resulting in Conan yelling "Holy Mother of God!") and Joseph (resulting in Conan yelling "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!"), then the skit ends with Jesus, Mary, and Joseph going to the
Olive Garden and running into God then awkwardly having a conversation about God being Jesus' real father.
Guest Autographs Conan shows the audience some autographs supposedly from guests on his show. In reality, the fictitious autographs are often from celebrities who have appeared in
news or
tabloids rather than on the program. The messages left by the celebrity often mock something unseemly the celebrity is currently known for or may even mock O'Brien in some way.
Guys That Make Fun of Conan's Name In the first year of the show, Conan would occasionally point out that he has an unusual first name that often makes people think of
Conan the Barbarian. The show would then cut to four guys who stand around and make bad jokes about Conan's name, such as "Conan the vegetarian, hey, where's your salad?" or "Conan the
Yogi Bear-ian, hey, where's Boo-Boo?" For unexplained reasons, one of the four guys in the sketch would always nod in agreement, but never speak.
Instant Audience Member Upgrade A take-off on the airline instant upgrade, Conan chooses two audience members and bumps them up to first class audience, where he gives them more comfortable chairs, a drink, a celebrity feature, a curtain to separate them from the economy class audience section, etc.
Moral Dilemma Not seen since Andy Richter's departure (although he was barely involved), the bit involved Conan looking through the show's
Lost and Found box, and finding something he wished he could keep. At that point, a
devil would appear on Conan's shoulder to help him rationalize keeping the item. While he would acknowledge the logic behind the devil's reasoning, he would muse, "I can't help but wonder if there's another side to the argument." At this point, instead of the expected angel, a bear (an actor in a bear costume) would appear on Conan's other shoulder, announcing himself: "Hi, Conan, I'm your bear! Grrr!" Conan would ask the bear for his advice regarding the lost item, but the bear would only have bear-related advice to offer ("I don't know, but I can tell you that you should always check before sticking your nose into a beehive, for bears' noses are awfully sensitive to bee stings"). Usually, the bit would end with the devil getting one-upped in some way or another (in one such sketch, the bear turned out to be Conan's guardian angel in disguise).
No-Reason-to-Live Guy Conan begins to talk about a mundane news piece or the guest line-up at his desk when he is interrupted by a man in the audience (played by
Brian McCann). The man seems to have been misinformed and reacts to Conan's calm correctness in disbelief and yells, "There's no reason to live!" He then proceeds to run to the top of the audience area where a blue kayak is waiting, while yelling, "Where's my kayak?" He gets in the kayak and "paddles" it off-screen, at which point the scene cuts to a shot of a man in a kayak falling down an icy mountain. After this, another "audience member" usually rides off in a kayak in a similar way, or the first man comes back through the studio doors (sometimes in poor disguises), gets upset again (usually when Conan mentions how stupid the sketch is) and rides to his demise using another means of transportation, accompanied by related stock footage, again while yelling "Where's my [vehicle]?" The sketch usually involves three different "deaths." In addition to the kayak, other means of transportation have included a train, a bike, a skateboard, balloons, a three bedroom house, and a car. This sketch evolved from a bit done a week or two before NBC broadcast the
Torino Olympics where
Brian McCann appeared on video as if he was reporting from the
Bobsled run in Italy. He starts sliding down the course and Conan tries to tell him the course was not finished, based on news reports of the time that said Olympic officials were crunched for time to finish some of the venues. McCann says he cannot hear because of the noise of the bobsled then he says, "What's that?" and there is a quick cut to stock footage of a kayak falling down a snow-covered mountain. Then the show cuts back to Conan, who has his head in his hands as if embarrassed and the audience is howling in laughter at the absurd scene, especially after McCann's line: "Someone put me in a kayak!" When the next guest comments about the kayak, Conan says, "You try to find footage of a bobsled crashing that matches. It was the best we could do." For the record, the Olympic officials were putting finishing touches on the venues with only the nightly ceremonies park unfinished.
Patterns Conan shows a series of images, and viewers have to figure out the progressive pattern that links them. For instance, "Squirrel, handyman, poorly guarded
insane asylum,
Tom Green: That's right, these are more and more likely to be missing a nut."
Pimpbot 5000 A robot that "combines the classic sensibilities of a 1950s robot with the dynamic flair of a 1970s street
pimp". He always talks in rhymes that simultaneously reference his robotic and pimp nature: "I got a diamond studded watch/new transistors in my crotch."
Pleasing the Affiliates Conan attempts to please local
affiliates by responding to their fictional requests for positive mention
Polly, the NBC Peacock Conan is visited by Polly—a puppet of the
NBC logo with a
parrot-like voice—to discuss television programs airing during the current week. With Conan playing the
straight man, Polly lavishes praise upon NBC's own programming, but criticizes the programs of competitors with increasingly outlandish comments, such as claiming that
Tim Allen's face "spews dangerous radiation" when discussing the ABC sitcom
Home Improvement, or remarking that "watching [
JAG] officially fulfills your requirement for
jury duty!" when discussing the CBS
legal drama which originally premiered on NBC. The sketch usually ends with Conan suggesting the audience watch a non-NBC program, to which a flustered Polly replies, "It's in Spanish!"
Preparation H Raymond In this sketch
Brian McCann plays a large-eared man named Raymond with a
Prince Charles-like appearance, who parades down the aisles passing out
Preparation H to Conan's audience. While he possesses a common theme song, chorused by the phrase "Raymond's here to help....
oooooooohhh...", Raymond's dialogue content is often related to current events such as the "
roid" usage by pro baseball athletes or
Thanksgiving, 2006. Often though, the sketch can be seen as a random assortment of ideas, all beginning and culminating with the distribution of Preparation H.
Queen Elizabeth Telephone Call Conan receives a phone call from
Queen Elizabeth II to discuss a current issue. Her Majesty quickly gets off topic, and ends every comment by referring to Conan using random bisyllabic words, such as Coughdrop O'Branflakes.
Rude Audience Member While Conan is introducing the second guest, the camera repeatedly cuts to one audience member, with each successive cut introducing attention-grabbing sound and visual effects. Conan becomes increasingly agitated, chastising the person as if he or she is purposely making it happen. After he threatens to call security, the camera stays on Conan, and it seems like the distraction is over. Finally, the audience member is shown in a much more exaggerated way (for example, on a giant screen behind Conan, or on the
Times Square Jumbotron) that completely disrupts the show.
Satellite TV Conan shares the extra channels that the large satellite dish on the roof of
30 Rockefeller Center fictionally picks up. Some channels have absurd titles like "Clive Clemmons' Inappropriate Response Channel" (this particular channel displayed clips of people making inappropriate and/or completely off-topic statements in everyday conversation, after which fictional British
heavy metal guitarist Clive Clemmons plays a
riff and exclaims "Inappropriate!" One example had a woman mention the quality of the office coffee, to which her co-worker responded "Thank God for
Saddam Hussein!"). Others include a
pornography channel featuring "Max on Max action", in which Max Weinberg made love to a duplicate Max Weinberg; the "Sexual Harassment Skeleton Channel", wherein a skeleton gropes women in the workplace but always avoids getting fired, with the argument that he is "only a skeleton" and "doesn't even have muscles to move his arms." There is "Jar Barf", a program wherein food
jars with the middle of their lids cut out, and featuring added googly eyes, are shown vomiting their contents; the "Potato Judge TV", about a ruthless judge on the judicial bench; the "Men Without Hats Channel" that features people in everyday situations singing about them to the
Men Without Hats song "
Safety Dance", and a German channel airing the game show
Stackenblochen (where contestants must quickly arrange items on a dresser exactly on 90-degree angles, or else they are beaten up by the host and their goons).
The Slipnutz A singing trio (
Andy Blitz,
Jon Glaser,
Brian Stack) who were inconveniently booked on the same show with
Slipknot (and later as "They Might Be Slipnutz" with
They Might Be Giants). Their routine in its entirety involves them slipping and sliding on nuts scattered on the floor, while singing their theme song "We're The Slipnutz". They later promoted their greatest-hits album, which included the songs "Old West Cowboys Slipping on Nuts" and "Viking Raiders Slipping on Nuts". The band eventually broke up, with each member going solo. Slipknot, who enjoyed the joke, later actually had The Slipnutz open for them at one concert appearance; this was chronicled as a segment on the show. Their last appearance on
Late Night included a tribute to the Slipnutz by
Patti Smith,
Coldplay,
John Mayer,
Los Lobos, and
Steve Winwood, each of whom sang a version of "We're The Slipnutz".
Spoiler Alert Conan and Max talk about a recent film, TV, or book-related story, but find a way to keep from spoiling the ending, in case the show is
Tivoed, or a viewer has not read the book. So Conan employs a spoiler alert system, which consists of two people standing in front of the camera, covering their ears and yelling incoherently "la la la la la! I'm not listening", the result of which is that the audience is unable to listen to what Conan and Max are discussing.
Hannigan the Traveling Salesman A hat-wearing traveling salesman (played by
Brian Stack) from the 1950s who bursts into the studio, addresses Conan as "little girl", and runs through a scripted sales pitch in an attempt to sell Conan unfunny jokes, sketch ideas and other useless home products. Hannigan was created at the suggestion of writer
Andrew Weinberg, who suggested that Stack play an "old-timey salesman". Stack wrote the sketches with Weinberg and
Michael Koman, with whom he would later collaborate on the TV series
Eaglehart. Hannigan's voice was inspired by Stack's appreciation for
William Powell's Thin Man film series.
Unknown Colleges' Team Mascots Conan presents about three or four fictional colleges' athletic teams' mascots. These mascots often have nothing to do with anything about the school's location or name. One mascot that always finds its way onto the segment is S&M Lincoln, a very disturbing version of
Abraham Lincoln wearing a top hat and having a
ball gag stuffed in his mouth, while being dressed in little more than leather S&M gear and being weighed down by heavy chains, while whipping himself with a
cat o' nine tails.
What in the World? Conan is shown an extremely magnified portion of a picture. He throws out a wild guess as to what he is looking at, at which point the picture is zoomed out a little. Conan tries again, although it's not yet evident what is depicted in the photo. It zooms out again, and the picture is now recognizable and seemingly mundane—for instance, a celebrity or other normal situation. The final time it zooms out, something unexpected or outrageous that had previously been out of frame is revealed. The opening audio cue for this bit is an annoying-sounding man saying, "What in the
world?" which Conan often asks not to have repeated, to no avail.
Annual sketches •
The State of the Show Address - An elaborate
parody of the
President of the United States' annual
State of the Union Address delivered in place of the show's opening credits and monologue on the same night the President gives his speech. When Conan mentions that there will be no monologue that night, the audience will stand and burst into hearty applause, after which Conan replies, "You bastards." • '''''Central Time Zone New Year's Countdown''''' - Aired each
New Year's Eve,
Late Night was the only show to do a countdown to midnight for the
Central Time Zone of the United States, since the show's regular time slot begins before and ends after midnight Central Time. After the monologue, Conan does a fictional list of people who have died that year, starting with a celebrity who has faded into obscurity who many assumed must have died, and continuing with many outlandish and random celebrities who are obviously alive. Each year the
Late Night staff creates a bit when the New Year begins. In 2003, the bit was announcer Joel Godard lying on a table while an Asian man wearing a
Speedo lands on top of him at the stroke of midnight. In 2005, giant
papier-mâché busts of
Chicagoans
James Belushi and
Oprah Winfrey inched slowly towards each other and "
French kissed" at the stroke of midnight. Earlier remotes had Conan going out to various remote locations in the Central Time Zone to celebrate the new year there. One bit had the remote correspondent already celebrating the new year in
South Bend, Indiana (which is in the
Eastern Time Zone, one hour ahead of Central Time), but having to move to the Central Time Zone city of
Hudson Lake, Indiana in a race against time in order to "correctly" celebrate the new year. The 2004 and 2005 celebrations also had O'Brien joined by a group of costumed revellers (representing various
Midwestern locales) including: :*
Abraham Lincoln (
Springfield, Illinois) :* A
Green Bay Packers "
cheesehead" fan :*
Dorothy from
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (
Kansas) :*
Prince (
Minneapolis) :* A
gaucho from
Belize (Belize is in the same time zone as the Central US) The countdown did not air on New Year's Eve in both 2005-06 and 2006–07, as these dates were on Saturday and Sunday night respectively. NBC carried live specials with
Carson Daly on these occasions. Another such special aired for 2007-08 (a Monday night); a
writer's strike meant
Late Night could not have resumed its Central Time countdown that year in any event. By 2008-09, the Carson Daly specials had supplanted the special New Year's
Tonight and
Late Night episodes permanently (repeats of both shows followed the live special). •
Sweeps Ahoy - Airing during or just after each "
sweeps month", this sketch airs bits and doctored footage of previous
Late Night publicity stunts the show did to increase their ratings. • '''''World's Fastest
Menorah and Other Holiday Icons''''' - Usually shown for a period of 3–4 days after the annual lighting of the
Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree, Conan always mentions that so many people come to New York just to see the tree, usually adding things like, "It's just a tree! Big deal!" He then says something like, "Rockefeller Center might have their Christmas Tree, but we here at Late Night have the World's Fastest Menorah!" This summons the menorah, which sits on a platform pulled by a string by a stagehand, flying by the camera lever. Of course, the platform is not visible in the camera's field of vision. The menorah is accompanied by a quick excerpt of "Hava Nagila". As the week progresses, Conan introduces other holiday icons, which include a bungee-jumping Baby Jesus (accompanied by Handel's "Hallelujah"), a rocket-powered
fruitcake (accompanied by
ZZ Top's "La Grange"), and a
Kwanzaa kinara in a pimped-out ride. •
A Look Back - Sometime around New Year's, a retrospective of the past year on the show. Conan and Max sit at a mini-bar on stage with party decorations, their ties undone, and recall their many adventures. :An alternate version is presented in the form of a
newsreel, with
Joel Godard narrating events of the year over real footage, intercut with relevant Fake celebrity interviews from the past year.
During the 2007-08 writers' strike In November 2007, a
Writers Guild of America strike forced
Late Night and other late night TV shows into reruns. The show would resume production on January 2, 2008; the strike still continued, however (it would not conclude until February 12, 2008), forcing the show to refrain from using any of its regular sketches or characters. As such, a small series of new sketches was devised to keep viewers entertained, or to just kill time. These sketches included the following: •
Ring Spin - As he has done for years during rehearsals, Conan began spinning his wedding ring on his desk, attempting to break his record of 41 seconds. The closest he came was 40 seconds until the February 8, 2008 broadcast when, with the help of MIT professor Dr. Peter Fisher, he spun the ring for 51 seconds on a piece of teflon. On June 8, 2008, the bit appeared again, this time with Conan accepting a challenge from guest
Ted Koppel. Conan won the challenge by a mere 3 seconds, with a total of 30 seconds against Koppel's 27. On November 6, 2008, scheduled guest
Katt Williams failed to show for his guest spot (it was later revealed he had been arrested on weapons charges). To fill some time, Conan performed a ring spin - saying that
two historic events could happen within a 24-hour span. •
German Disco Light Show - By pressing a button Conan starts a light show similar to one seen at a "bad German disco." This has been done several times using various musical tracks. •
Guest Maze Entrance - To increase the length of time taken for celebrities to reach the desk, a short maze is erected between the entry point and the desk. An overhead camera shows the guests' progression through the maze. •
Who Made Huckabee? - Conan had a recurring mock feud with
Comedy Central hosts
Stephen Colbert and
Jon Stewart regarding who was responsible for the success of presidential candidate
Mike Huckabee. Conan noted that the popularity of Huckabee's high-profile supporter
Chuck Norris was the result of his own
Walker, Texas Ranger Lever sketch, therefore "Conan made Huckabee." Colbert, on his show, then claimed that "Colbert made Huckabee" after giving him the "Colbert Bump." Following a series of cross-show statements, Conan, Colbert and Stewart each put forward increasingly farcical reasons why he was responsible for Huckabee's success, insulting their rivals in the process. Eventually, a large (and silly) fight scene amongst the three was staged on
Late Night. Huckabee himself appeared afterwards to state that none of "these three idiots" created him, but in fact the "great nation of the United States had created him". •
Zipline - On January 14, 2008, Conan lived out one of his "dreams" by riding a zipline over his audience while wearing a helmet which shoots smoke out the back. Conan then asked viewers to send in suggestions on how to improve this stunt via http://www.latenightunderground.com. Two days later, Conan repeated the zipline this time with rockets strapped to his feet and crashing into large bowling pins. Another variation of this sketch is when he went down the zip line and knocked down
John Wilkes Booth as he was about to assassinate
Abraham Lincoln. •
Crew Interview - Conan also filled in some of his episodes by interviewing ''Late Night's'' behind-the-scenes crew members, such as the propmaster or the special effects man, in which he would play around with the items in their workspaces, such as the breakable props.
Assassination Conan invites a guest who supposedly is privy to an upcoming, well-kept secret, who suffers a simulated death before he can reveal what he knows. For example, shortly before the final episode of
Seinfeld, an actor appearing on the show began talking about what the final episode would be about; a few words in, an assassin shoots him in the chest. On another occasion, Conan introduced a man who claimed to be a high-ranking executive with
Coca-Cola, who was going to discuss the soda's secret ingredients. As the interview started, the "executive" fell dead after getting hit by
shuriken, and a group of
ninjas with the Coca-Cola logo on their backs were shown running away from the stage. These sketches have not appeared on the show for several years.
Awful Sports Chanter In response to an upcoming sporting or other spectator event, Conan advises that you should keep chants short and easy to follow. As an example of what not to do, a sports enthusiast (played by
Andy Blitz) is shown in the audience, and begins a standard chant for that event while clapping each syllable (such as "Let's Go Mets!"). However, instead of repeating the line, he expands it into a very long chant that begins supportive and usually ends up as a narrative of some sort, occasionally asking the audience to chant along as if it's easy to follow. Conan interrupts the chant to go to commercial as Blitz continues to chant up to the break.
Car Chases Conan explains that television shows' ratings go up when they cut to a car chase in action. He tells the audience that
Late Night will begin doing this, however there are no car chases in Manhattan due to traffic congestion, so
Late Night stages their own "car chases". While played as if they are real car chases, they are executed using
Matchbox style vehicles, and model buildings in the hallways of the show's backstage area. The toy cars are pulled by
fishing line as a camera gets a shot appearing to be from a helicopter. More recently, car chases have been shot when celebrities have encountered legal difficulties, including
Michael Jackson,
Paris Hilton and
O. J. Simpson. The sketch has not been seen since early 2008.
Carl "Oldy" Olson An old man portrayed for comic effect by
William Preston similar to
Larry "Bud" Melman from Late Night with David Letterman, though Oldy is somewhat frailer but more vulgar.
Conan O'Brien College Band Search For a few years,
Late Night held an annual college band search.
Conan's Legs Conan explains how the show is trying to reach out and collect more viewers by taking a page out of the
Today Show handbook. He explains that many Americans tune into the
Today Show just to see
Katie Couric's legs. The front of his desk is removed, revealing feminine legs. He continues by doing a few camera tricks such as moving his legs, bouncing a ball, and even shaving them. In actuality, the front of the desk is covered by a
greenscreen substituted by a shot of a woman's legs recorded live offstage. The audience is presumed to understand the special effect, leading O'Brien to attempt to sync more complex actions with those of the offstage actress, or sometimes to intentionally fool her. The sketch stopped some time before Couric eventually left
Today to anchor the
CBS Evening News.
Continuity Errors Conan and Andy review a recent broadcast for errors, discovering inconsistencies that no one seemed to have caught, such as Conan suddenly having a receding hairline or wearing a bib while eating a giant pie.
Frankenstein Wastes a Minute of Our Time Frankenstein's monster (played by writer
Brian Stack) appears by one of the doors leading from the main set, acting excited about something, and inviting the cameraman (and the audience, vicariously) to come with him to take a look. He makes a long trek around the backstage area, stopping along the way to wave the cameraman to keep following. Invariably, what he finds is extremely mundane like a spatula, although it is usually near something that is considerably more interesting, and Conan assumes that is the item Frankenstein led the camera to. Frankenstein once found
Tom Hanks (who was not a guest on that night's episode) during the sketch, and pushed him out of the way to show off a light switch. (Hanks then immediately reentered the frame to join in pointing out the light switch with great enthusiasm.) The joke format is extremely similar to a
shaggy dog story. Universal Pictures owned NBC, and the character's makeup design and the sketch title's logo resemble the ones from the classic Universal films.
The Hole In The Floor There is a hole in the floor in front of Conan's desk. Conan throws objects through it and generally hassles an
office worker below. The hole is created using bluescreen technology.
Jerry Butters Jerry Butters (played by
Brian McCann) is a talentless talk show host with his own early-morning show down the hall. His set is bland and reminiscent of a 1970s talk show with fake palms and dull brown colors. Jerry will interrupt Conan's show in the style of a suburban neighbor who initially wants to just have a friendly chat, but eventually needs a favor or some advice for a particular problem he is facing in his current show. Such problems in the past have included Abe Vigoda dying midway through an interview (after Jerry had asked him which was a better experience, his part in
The Godfather or the children's comedy
Good Burger). He also invariably promotes his own show by addressing Conan's audience with the line "It's on at four in the morning... so check it out!".
Krunk During the first two seasons of the show, beginning in early 1994, O'Brien encouraged guests to insert the word krunk, a fictional expletive with multiple uses invented by the show's writers that "the censors don't quite know what to do with yet", into their conversations.
Mick Ferguson, The Guy Who's Awfully Proud of his Bullet Proof Legs Long-time staff writer Brian McCann, in a mock-
Vaudeville dance, sings "Oh I got bulletproof legs, I got bullet proof legs, oh ya can't hurt me cuz I have bullet proof legs! Oh they cost me a fortune but ya don't...." Invariably, a shadowy figure pulls out a gun and shoots him in the chest, which apparently is not bulletproof. In the second incarnation of it, the same man is standing on the screen and Mick implores Conan to get rid of him because he shot him before. Conan has a security guy come out and check the figure over stating that he does not have a weapon. Relieved Mick begins his song and dance again, only to have the Security guy pull out a gun and shoot him in the chest. Another incident has the security guard and a search dog guarding Mick. After Conan calms Mick's fears of the security guard by vouching for him, the search dog pulls a gun and shoots Mick in the chest. The camera then switches to Conan, who looks into it and says, "We're gonna get to the bottom of this."
The More You Know These are spoofs of the famous NBC public service announcements. They were used frequently in earlier years, especially when Andy Richter was still Conan's sidekick. These sketches would begin seemingly innocently, but would quickly devolve into parody, usually involving dark themes. For example, in one such sketch, Max Weinberg commands: "Sometimes condoms break; deal with it, missy!"
Segue Sam When Conan struggled for the right words to preview the next guest, he called on the services of Segue Sam, portrayed by
Jon Glaser. The impeccably dressed and debonair Sam was pulled into the studio by a butler as he reclined on a couch. Sam invariably was able to provide a witty, smooth segue to the next guest.
Staring Contest A famous skit held while Andy Richter still served as O'Brien's sidekick. An homage to the game show
Make Me Laugh, Richter (unlike O'Brien) would be subjected to a series of purely physical-comedy skits taking place behind O'Brien, usually insulting and disgusting, which would eventually force Richter to look away. On the last episode Richter served as sidekick, the show subjected O'Brien to the skits instead; this was the only time Richter ever won the staring contest. The two tied after one competition in which, as a distraction,
Albert Einstein was inspired by a large-breasted woman in a bikini to add the "squared" to his theory of
special relativity, and Andy and Conan joined them in a celebratory dance.
Tomorry the Ostrich During the break between the first and second guest, Tomorry the ostrich would come out to deliver the blue card with a list of tomorrow night's guests. Tomorry would lay an egg containing the card. Tomorry was a large ostrich with a long, solid neck that members of the audience often pulled on as Tomorry passed by.
Nobody's Watching An occasional sketch performed when Conan anticipates that
Late Night would have poor viewership (such as from people being "tired" of watching TV
on October 3, 1995, the show being preempted to a later time slot
by the NBA playoffs, or having to compete with the
1998 Winter Olympics airing live against it on
CBS). He declares that the show could pretty much do anything it wanted "because nobody's watching", leading to activities such as "borrowing"
Carnac the Magnificent (under the pretense that Johnny Carson wouldn't notice) and smoking on-set, revealing that
Dr. Joyce Brothers is legally required to make an appearance on the show every four months (with Brothers' ensuing appearance consisting of her entering the studio to "
Eye of the Tiger", but walking past the stage directly to the exit), making on-air "confessions" (including Conan confessing that most of the show's staff were children, and
Al Roker confessing that he thought becoming a weatherman could lead to a career in acting), and other surreal bits.
Conan of the Night Seen limitedly in the early part of the 2000s these sketches began with Conan putting on a fake mustache, using a cheesy Spanish accent, and playing out a film noire-style sketch in which a murder was investigated or caused. One such sketch ended with the mustachioed Conan "throwing" a knife into Max's chest. ==Monologue digressions==