Eva Palmer Barney's earliest intimate relationship was with
Eva Palmer. They became acquainted during summer vacations in Bar Harbor, Maine, and began a sexual relationship during one such trip in 1893. Barney likened Palmer's appearance to that of a medieval virgin. The two remained close for several years. As young adults in Paris they shared an apartment at 4 rue Chalgrin and eventually took their own residences in
Neuilly. Barney frequently solicited Palmer's help in her romantic pursuits of other women, including
Renée Vivien. Palmer ultimately left Barney's side for Greece and eventually married
Angelos Sikelianos. Their relationship did not survive this turn of events: Barney took a dim view of Angelos and heated letters were exchanged. Later in their lives the friendship was repaired through correspondence and reunions in New York.
Liane de Pougy In 1899, after seeing the
courtesan Liane de Pougy at a dance hall in Paris, Barney presented herself at de Pougy's residence in a
page costume and announced she was a "page of love" sent by
Sappho. Although de Pougy was one of the most famous women in France, constantly sought after by wealthy and titled men, Barney's audacity charmed her. in 1900 Barney stood to inherit some family wealth held in trust if she either married or waited for her father's death. While courting de Pougy, Barney was engaged to Robert Cassat, a member of another wealthy railroad family. Barney was open with Cassat about her love of women and relationship with de Pougy. In the hopes of securing the Barney trust money, the three briefly considered a rushed wedding between Barney and Cassat and an adoption of de Pougy. When Cassat ended the engagement, Barney attempted unsuccessfully to persuade her father to give her the money anyway. By the end of 1899, the two had broken up after quarreling repeatedly over Barney's desire to "rescue" de Pougy from her life as a courtesan. Despite the breakup, the two continued having liaisons for decades. Their on-and-off affair became the subject of de Pougy's tell-all
roman à clef,
Idylle Saphique (
Sapphic Idyll). Published in 1901, the book and its sexually suggestive scenes became the talk of Paris, reprinted more than 70 times in its first year. Barney was soon well known as the model for one of the characters. Barney herself contributed a chapter to
Idylle Saphique in which she described reclining at de Pougy's feet in a screened box at the theater, watching
Sarah Bernhardt's play
Hamlet. During intermission, Barney (as "Flossie") compares Hamlet's plight with that of women: "What is there for women who feel the passion for action when pitiless Destiny holds them in chains? Destiny made us women at a time when the law of men is the only law that is recognized." She also wrote
Lettres à une Connue (
Letters to a Woman I Have Known), her own
epistolary novel about the affair. Although Barney failed to find a publisher for the book (published in 2024) and later called it naïve and clumsy, it is notable for its discussion of homosexuality, which Barney regarded as natural and compared to
albinism. "My queerness," she said, "is not a vice, is not deliberate, and harms no one."
Renée Vivien In November 1899, Barney met the poet Pauline Tarn, better known by her pen name
Renée Vivien. For Vivien it was
love at first sight, while Barney became fascinated with Vivien after hearing her recite one of her poems, which Barney described as "haunted by the desire for death". Their romantic relationship was also a creative exchange that inspired both of them to write. Barney provided a feminist theoretical framework which Vivien explored in her poetry. They adapted the imagery of the
Symbolist poets along with the conventions of
courtly love to describe love between women, also finding examples of heroic women in history and myth. Sappho was an especially important influence and they studied
Greek so as to read the surviving fragments of her poetry in the original. Both wrote plays about her life. (standing) and Barney; posing for a portrait in
Directoire-era costume Vivien saw Barney as a
muse and as Barney put it, "she had found new inspiration through me, almost without knowing me". Barney felt Vivien had cast her as a
femme fatale and that she wanted "to lose herself... entirely in suffering" for the sake of her art. Vivien also believed in
monogamy, which Barney was unwilling to agree to. While Barney was visiting her family in Washington, D.C. in 1901, Vivien stopped answering her letters. Barney tried to get her back for years, at one point persuading a friend, operatic
mezzo-soprano Emma Calvé, to sing under Vivien's window so she could throw a poem (wrapped around a bouquet of flowers) up to Vivien on her balcony. Both flowers and poem were intercepted and returned by a governess. In 1904 she wrote
Je Me Souviens (
I Remember), an intensely personal prose poem about their relationship which was presented as a single handwritten copy to Vivien in an attempt to win her back. They reconciled and traveled together to
Lesbos, where they lived happily together for a short time and discussed starting a school of poetry for women like the one which Sappho, according to tradition, had founded on Lesbos some 2,500 years before. However, Vivien soon got a letter from her lover Baroness
Hélène van Zuylen and went to
Constantinople thinking she would break up with her in person. Vivien planned to meet Barney in Paris afterward, but instead stayed with the Baroness. This time, the breakup was permanent. Vivien's health declined rapidly after this. The author
Colette, who herself had an affair with Barney in 1906, was Vivien's friend and neighbor. According to Colette, Vivien ate almost nothing and drank heavily, even rinsing her mouth with perfumed water to hide the smell. Colette's account has led some to call Vivien an
anorexic, but this diagnosis did not yet exist at the time. Vivien was also addicted to the sedative
chloral hydrate. In 1908 she attempted suicide by overdosing on
laudanum and died the following year. In a memoir written fifty years later, Barney said, "She could not be saved. Her life was a long suicide. Everything turned to dust and ashes in her hands." In 1949, two years after the death of Hélène van Zuylen, Barney restored the
Renée Vivien Prize with a financial grant under the authority of the
Société des gens de lettres and took on the chairmanship of the jury in 1950.
Olive Custance Barney purchased and read
Opals in 1900, a debut collection of poems by
Olive Custance. Responding to the lesbian themes in the poetry, Barney began corresponding with Custance and exchanging poems. The two met in 1901 at Barney and Vivien's home in Paris, and they soon began a short romantic relationship. While Barney's infidelity aggravated Vivien, Custance was also pursuing a relationship with
Lord Alfred Douglas, who she would later marry. ==Poetry and plays==